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I'm loosing control. I know it. I can't do nothing right and I know I am disappointing my mother. I can't even do the freaking dishes like she told me over and over. I'm stressing about college and when I am not stressing I don't feel nothing at all. I hurt myself. I cut myself. I watch myself bleed as I breakdown inside. No one knows how I feel. No one knows the things I done to myself. Or the things I wanted to do. I can't tell anyone...in fear they won't take me serious. So I keep everything to myself. I try to control myself. But I know, one day I'll break completely down. That is what I'm afraid of.
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Been there. You're right, nobody cares, they don't really take it seriously, but that is because they can't imagine themselfs to cut their body, and they are horrified, and the only strategy to cope with it is not taking it seriously. There are so many people who know how you feel. It's hard. Don't kill yourself, I think everybody would regret it in the last second. Turn to art and philosophy, read Shoppenhauer and Camus, call a hotline, go to therapy. But get use to the feeling, it never really goes away. I haven't cut myself in 10years, but when I'm down it is my first thought.
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