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Long on and off relationship over three years, became toxic. Abusive, didnt end well. We worked together, had to separate, block him, keep distance from the collective. He cheated, it fucked me up, can't blame anything. I became controlling, distrustful, etc. Ugh.
This week I thought to post this painting of him, not cos its of him, but cos its a dope piece I never showed. I posted it, deleted it minutes later. He emailed me later that day, the only way he could reach me. I don't think he even saw the post, but synchronicity you know. In the piece he's in this pose, head in hand, leg outstretched. I imagined him like that then.
He asked if I'm ok. I told him I hope he's ok. That's all I said. He said he's fine, then messaged saying he wanted to talk. I asked is all ok again, he says yes, just wanted to talk to me. I say fine. I get back later this week, he asks where I am, I hesitate but tell him. And I tell him to contact me Thursday.
Thursday comes, my ride is moved to a later time so I wont get back til midnight. I think to message Ex and tell him, but I think nah, if he hits me up thats better. Still wasn't sure I wanted to talk to him cos it tends to fuck me up.
That day while riding in car, I pass a sign, only two letters lit up out of the whole sign, they are Ex's nickname. I wonder again when was he gonna call me. I think oh, maybe that's the sign. I check phone, nothing.
Later that night I'm thinking about this dude I hooked up with over the weekend. I regretted sleeping with him. I liked him, but I didn't think he would like me if i didn't sleep with him, I was so wrong. And anyway, he hit me up earlier that day asking if I saw his wallet at home. While riding in the car again, we drive down an alley and I glance left to see dude's tag on the wall. I laugh out loud. I think it's because I was thinking about him, but today i think it's because that was probably the moment Ex found the condom in trash from dude and left me the letter I just finished reading.
Apparently he went to my place thursday, like he used to do, didn't call, but also his computer and phone are fucked right now. So I wasn't there, and he knkows I tend to leave my door open, so he went in. I realized today only cos the soap in the shower when I know I took it with me. I came out and under a table is a note from Ex to me, plus the used condom from the trash, and the two remaining condoms stabbed through with a paintbrush.
He assumes I was with someone else cos he aslo read all my messages on my accounts. He's wrong, but still. Anyway, I think his name in lights was him at my place, other dudes name on the wall, was Ex finding the stuff and leaving the note
I'm kind of shocked he did that, but also knew it was very possible. Also thought if Ididnt respond to the first email he'd probably just show up to my empty house. Fuck.
Keeping this private for now, but totally fucked me up this mornign. Lol I am tripping.
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