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I love him. More than anything. He says he loves me, but I am not sure he does. I'm trying my hardest to make it work. We don't talk every day anymore, but it's not like we actually talked. It was more like we just sat on the phone, listening to each other do whatever. He would play videogames online with friends, and I would sit around, either watching youtube, working on school, etc. He said that he didn't really talk to anyone other than me. He talks to them every day. And now he doesn't want to talk to me. I want this to work and I am doing my best to make it work. I can see the timestamps of when he reads my messages, but I get no answer. I know, that's pretty anal of me to be so uptight about, but I feel so unloved by him. I need this to work. Because if I lose him, I lose everything. My friends, my love... I'll be alone. I won't be able to handle it. I'm not very stable in terms of my emotions. He knows that. I'm not wanting to take advantage of that, but it's true. I'm scared of what comes next. He's going to be gone soon. I feel it, and it hurts. I don't know why, but I feel like he's got someone else. It wouldn't be hard to hide since he's across the country from me. Probably a pretty girl from his work, into all the things that he's into. I don't think he can stand the thought of me anymore. Maybe I'm stupid. I know I'm crazy. I don't know what to do. I hurt. So much. I'm doing everything I can to feel better, but... I don't know...
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An Open Letter to My Ex (Finally)
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Woman... I know how you feel. I've been there. From how he wanted to talk to me every day to not hearing from him anymore until he completely blocked me from all the apps that connected us. It took me so long to realize that I don't deserve to be treated like that, and so do you. If he wanted to be out of your life, give him the freedom. If you love him, set him free. If he loves you, he will come back. If not, you deserve far better than him. You are not stupid. It's normal to be paranoid, especially for the sudden coldness he gives you.
Don't make him your world, because he doesn't make you "his world. Don't make someone your priority if he is treating you like an option. You don't deserve it. It's suuuupppppeeerrrr hard. I know... from crying some nights thinking about him and what I did wrong to deserve this treatment and sudden tears fall from my eyes because I miss him.
IT IS NOT EASY. But sometimes, you need to LET GO and MOVE ON. That doesn't mean you need to forget the memories because a cut always leave a scar. Time only heals a broken heart. You need to go through hardships to finally know that you don't need anyone to validate you NOR give you happiness. You can find happiness within you. You just need to find your passion and set your mind on your goals.
For now, I have found my dream and I am achieving it little by little. I tried not to attach myself to any guy just to save my heart from another hurt. I am not putting a period here. It has been 2 years and I know I am ready to give love to someone special, but as of now, I want to achieve my goals first. At least I am not left with anything if I will encounter another heartbreak. XD
Hope this helps. Send me a message if you like. :)
ReplyIf it makes you feel better you're not alone I am going through the same thing now after being in relationship with my significant other for 2 years. Don't blame yourself you're neither stupid nor crazy you just want to come first in his life and when you don't, you still can't find the will and power to walk away from fear that your world will shatter. I can't tell you to walk away since that is something i haven't been able to do but if you do find that power do it. You'll emerge and build your life once again. Hang in there!
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