Bittersweetness

No matter how hard I try to make things better.

No matter how many times I apologize.

No matter how many times I tell him I love him.

Dispite my struggles,fighting my inner demons and trying to make efforts to get through life without having moments of wanting to just disappear from the living. No matter how many times I explain to him to make him understand what i am going through.

I still fight myself for him.

Feel like it'll always be held against me. Feeling unwanted and unloved.

Maybe it's my fault pushing him away because I'm scared to fully trust and fear of getting hurt and used. None of which are intentional.

It's difficult to put my barriers down.

Most of the time I walk around with a heavy heart.

Seems to be all forgotten for all the good I did for him.

Comes across easily annoyed now a days even for the slightest misunderstanding.

He's becoming more bitter and unforgiving towards me.

I love him endlessly but it seems I won't win this battle...

Losing hope in this relationship with him.

Don't know what to do anymore to make it easier for the both of us.

Without,the constant conflict of being mistrustful.