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I am a young man feeling ever so lost in this world, and truly quite lonely.
I am a third generation of a family of asylum seekers. My family came over to this country during the civil war in south America during the 70's. I was born mixed race with a family that have been both open and supressing to me and my cousins thoughts, but accepting none the less.
I grew up in a predominantly white school and got racial abuse from all creeds and races whilst being there. Being called dirty skin, dirty blood and half breed. Isolated by something that was entirely out of my control as well as not hearing anything from my past and heritage and whilst attempting to talk with therapists and psychiatrists they repeatedly told me they couldn't help.
Even more so this made things worse and didn't help with me having an abusive and slightly racist father.
Ever since i have been young i have felt like my problems are not important and even with my family who have been through what a lot would call hell have been unable to help. This has caused me to to deal with all of these problems on my own and find it hard to open up to even close friends.
I make parralels with my grandmother who was raped by the soldiers who she believed were there to help her, then brought to a country with promises of help but rather the opposite that unknown to her resulted in bringing her children from a war torn home to hate and anger. Their problems in comparison seem to tower over mine.
A grandfather who was a prisoner of war for several years to return to a foreign country and broken family that he could not integrate into.
How can i compare my troubles to theirs and also, what can i do to make myself better or on par with my uncles(children of my grandmother who were ripped from their homes) who are actively trying to bring these communities back together.
I always feel so isolated, alone and of little value to all. The world is so cruel and desolate but i try see good in everything and try force myself to be optimistic but feel so heavy, so tired and stuck.
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You are not alone. God is always with you even if you don't feel Him, even if you don' believe Him. Your struggles are given to you because you can overcome them. You are strong, believe it. Always say to yourself that you are strong until you believe it.
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