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Love
6 years ago · 1
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I needed somewhere to talk about my life. I can't do this with people for some reason. I lost the love of my life two nights ago. She didn't die. She just left me. Yeah I'm in college life's full of other people. So many "fish in the sea". But it's not that there's no possibility of love or happiness after this. It's just that my happiness and love won't be with her. And maybe I need to accept that and move on. Maybe our time has passed. But it's so hard when the very fabric of my life is woven with the memories, and love, and laughs I shared with her. This isn't a love story I know. But I'm wondering could it be? I would give anything to see her run back to my arms. To see her burst into my room giggling and laughing. I just want her to tell me about her day one last time. But I know she's hurt. We both are. This hasn't been easy on either of us. I need to give her space. She needs it. I need it. But what if that space becomes a canyon. A canyon of separating that we both realize that we can do this alone? What if we both realize we aren't better alone but we can be alone because we are both so hurt at the moment? What if I have to go on without her? I keep telling myself that I will be okay whatever happens. But I don't really believe that. I'm not sad anymore. I'm not happy or mad or upset or anything. I'm empty. But I keep laughing and crying and exsisting because it's what I'm supposed to do.
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While there be many fish in the sea, that doesn't mean every fish is right for you. You know what you want. You know who you are and you know what broke your heart. That could take days, weeks, months or years to get over. Maybe you two will end up back together. You have their laughs, their memories and their thoughts with you. Even if they left you, they didn't want to hurt you. They may have just left because they want to do other things. But she didn't hurt you physically by the sounds of it. Perhaps look at it as if you were her. Maybe you wanted to let someone down but you just couldn't because you would feel bad. I understand how you feel. You may be the kind of person who looks at pictures of your lovers and cries or you may be a person who goes out and parties to get the thoughts off your mind. You may want to just be alone and cry, but you also may want to move on. No matter what you are it's okay. You'll stay strong. Not only for the people out there who still love you, the people that have crushes on you, the people who couldn't stop staring at you thinking about how amazing you look, but also for her. Maybe she'll come back to her senses, realise how much she misses you. You'll be fine. xoxo
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