big decision

i m in a point in my life where i have to make a huge decision i've been trying to avoid for 5 years . i'm a medical student who had been used to live everyday on survival mode ; what i did to go through everyday in med school was telling myself constantly and repeatedly : it's ok ,all you have to do is live this day just hold on till the night comes and you lay on your bed where no one can harm you . the good thing about this strategy is it worked, it did get me through the prolonged torture and hell of med school without killing myself ( very tempting thought back then) BUT what it also did is leave me with no vision of the future no ability to set a plan and work on it and no sense of direction . Now i find myself a month from taking my residency exam wich is something extremely diffuclt and demands a lot of determination patience and focus (three things i lack severely for the moment) . i thought about not taking it but in my country there is no bright future for a doctor in general medecine since you don't have a popular specialty you'll end up begging for a job with a low salary and basically no future . the problem is i don't know what i want nor who i am as person and the gift and potential i have . i used to be a bright confident student with big dreams and high expectations of me from everyone that knew me , now i'm lost, confused, and completely desoriented .

the worst part is nobody know my struggles especially not my family who are counting on my success . it seems like no body cares . What should i do ? please any word of advice could help .