I want to be healthy

I want to fell normal so badly. I want to be accepted. I some say that size doesn't matter others say that's all that matters. I once felt comfortable in my own skin but then it got worse all the so called "fat jokes" and the "advice". Who gave you the right to make me believe I wasn't beautiful. Who told you it was ok to say the things you said and when i begged you to stop it got worse. First my classmates then my own mother next my grandmother and worst of all me. Who gave you the idea that what you said was nice and that it wouldn't hurt. I'm guessing you never would of imagined me going to hospital and nearly dying. You never thought that I would hate myself so much that I would stop eating. Well nobody did, I once had a love for life in general but now it different it hurts. When my stomach is empty I feel better.I'm sorry that's my size offends you and mommy I'm sorry that I don't look like my skinny model figured sister. I'm sorry mommy that in your eyes I like like an elephant I'm sorry that I wasn't once healthy and lively that I loved myself when you didn't but i can't do Thisbe anymore I'm only 17 but you've been calling me fat for 10 years now. I AM NOT THE SAME SIZE AS A BUS. Please just stop I haven't eaten in two day so and you know it and all you did was leave a a hand sized bowl of lettuce and told me not to finish it all Arby's once. Why...