I'm not sure

This pass week has been terrible; I'm not sure if what I'm going through is the so-called depression or just a phase since there's a thin line between the two.

It has been rough with my mood swings and my short temper, causing me to inflict pain on others and also to myself. I'm stressing over almost everything and the lack of my life organisation skill just adds on to the stress. I have to worry about my grades, my well being, my schedule, my friends and family: it's just so tiring.

Yet the tiredness scares me because I know that once I let myself go into the sleep, I'll forget and I'll end up using the few hours of napping up, instead of doing something productive. This then ends up with me staying up late and messing up my schedules.

I get it that sleep deprivation provokes stress and other body issues (sores, cloudy mind, short tempers etc.) but even when I could sleep early, I don't. My mind just tells me NOT to sleep even though I know that I'll sleep the second my head hits the pillow. Why?

The day that this has gotten worse, was when I was crying after a fight with a family member (nothing out of the ordinary) but I felt as though the sadness I felt was worse than the other times. My head throbbed and pounded, thoughts that made my heart clench intruded my mind and the feeling I felt was so, so sad. I can't really describe it in words but it was so bad that I'm still feeling it a week after. I'm usually the type of people who gets over the sadness after a while and my logic comes in to take over but this....this wasn't it. I can't do anything; don't feel like doing anything.

I tried to reason with myself to why I was this sad and I did find the reason, but that only made me even sadder, thinking about it. To add on, there isn't anyway to solve the problem that's making me sad, trust me I am a good problem solver but this one you just, you just can't.

The one thing that I want is the world to stop moving so that I can spend time with myself and figure things out. I take a lot of time in doing these things, maybe too much time, which is why I want the world to stop moving, time to stop ticking and let me be alone, with myself, without anything progressing so that I don't feel like I'm wasting time.