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It is close to two months since we broke up...
I remember the day vividly as every single thing that I ever did to you.
I feel so ashamed of all the things that I did to you and couldn't believe that up until September you claimed to love me.
I feel so undeserving of that love that once was, considering how much I hurt you and how I broke your trust after repeatedly claiming I would change and be a better partner. My guilt consumes me over losing who I thought would be my partner for the rest of my life.
I have been in therapy, to try to understand what drove me to behave like that. And while I can finally understand, I feel like nothing matters because no matter how much I try to fight, you will probably never come back.
Everyone tells me that you don't deserve me, because you loved me at my worst, and now won't accept me at my best. But I don't think anyone puts themselves in your shoes. I know I have, as I suffer every day since you left me. You broke my heart after I broke yours, and burned every single bridge by telling your parents what I did.
They never really liked me that much and now they have a reason to hate me. I often wonder If you hate me to if you miss me, or even if you loved me.
I have been pouring my feelings unto a letter that I will eventually send to you, and apologize for every crap that I ever did to you. I don't expect you will come back. But you taught me the real meaning of love. I will become a better person, for me and for you. You have become my reason to strive to a better loving self. I hope one day you realize that I am much worth than my mistakes and errors.
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