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I really hate that you're my holy grail,
a reminder of what could have been and what still could be.
It's like you're mocking me from your hiding space,
smuggled in and out of my life,
though never far, for you've set up shop in my soul,
and you sell your wares of bittersweet, aching, maddening love.
I can't live without you
even if the only you I live with is that shard,
that inconsequential “I love you”,
those lighthearted, world shaking three words.
It seems you've shot me through the heart and plugged the hole with memories.
You make me want to throw myself off a bridge,
you make me want to climb into your arms, to the safety of your beating heart.
There comes a days when you'll stop the ticking of the clock.
I see it in the dark of your eyes.
It leaves me raw, breathless,
fighting tears because I can't fight your decision.
Will my words fall on listening ears?
Or will our music collectively drown out the truth,
the carnival of our relationship too ostentatious;
will we ever acknowledge urgency?
We're both fleeing something.
No matter how often I flee from you,
I end up on your doorstep again.
I brought you my heart on a silver platter and was rewarded with the merest glance.
In that glance all I see is possibility.
Your heart still beats and that is comforting.
I could never resent you. You matter too much.
I could never confess that,
not without hiding it behind laughter.
And still I love you as I bleed out, staining the pages of your soul.
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