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I think I like this girl. This girl I haven’t been friends with for four years now. I thought I moved on. I think I like the idealized version of her in my head. There’s another girl I also like. She makes me think so irrationally and I’m not sure what to do because I already told her I wasn’t ready for a relationship. I’m pretty lost with the whole sexual identity thing. The only thing I ever remember turning me on was the girl I used to like and gay smut. Porn doesn’t turn me on and I can’t look at someone and feel turned on. I don’t see people as attractive and I kind of feel isolated. And one of the worst parts about this is that I know that this wave of depression is caused by PMDD, which is a worse version of PMS. It will pass but not fast enough. Not to mention I always question if my thoughts in PMDD are my true thoughts I surpress in my everyday busy life.
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