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I am almost 18 years old. All throughout growing up, I was carefree, happy, and loved the world. All family and adult affairs weren't ever shared with me, and everyone wore a smile around me. I have been child-like for most of my life.
I was taken out of my public middle school to study at home at the end of middle school. Growing up away from peers, I stayed pretty much the same. Years later, I searched for some of my old class mates online. They were maturing; wearing make-up, getting into relationships, planning for the future, and already speaking of what jobs they wanted to dedicate themselves to.
Seeing all of that sort of hit me in the chest. The idea of growing up like this, and heading into my future life, it's something I feel I don't want. I started to see that everything wasn't all peaches and cream, and I would have to face so many things in the future.
Seeing everyone progress brings a certain sadness to me. Just recently, my family has been pushing me to grow-up. I just don't feel ready. Everyone (being my immediate family, the only few people I have in my life,) had been treating meas if I were still a child... and now all of a sudden, they're not. I have to admit that I was babied quite a bit, growing up. All of this is a sudden shock to me.
My father grows increasingly more disappointed in me, as I haven't learned how to drive, and refuse to go out around the city by myself (I'm a homebody who would rather keep to myself.) He constantly tells me to grow up and be serious.
My mother is more understanding, but insists the same thing, that I grow up and learn to take care of myself. I am trying the best I can, but have no idea where to start. I often cry in bed before falling asleep, wondering how much time I have left until someone pushed me out and I have to learn how to survive from scratch.
I have yet to earn my GED, and it feels like everything is closing in on me slowly.
I know nothing of credit or stocks or business. I feel like I am not up to par with everyone else.
I talk to my family about this, but they only tell me to toughen up, as life will only get harder.
Don't I have a choice, whether or not to let life dominate me like this? My mother tells me I am intelligent when it comes to morals and common sense... but that won't get me anywhere in the future.
I am going to mention that I am in another country, one foreign to my own. I am here for safety reasons. Maturing here is a place like this is also very frightening to me, because I am conversational in this country's language, but mess up a lot. My family tries to teach me, and often gets upset at me when I cannot communicate properly... I always end up crying out of frustration. Why am I so weak? I try so hard to keep myself together, but no matter the situation, if I am sad or upset, I can't keep my tears from falling.
I really am a big baby.
Can anyone please help me? I don't know what to do from this point on. How do I ease into adulthood fast enough before I turn 18 (a few months from now,) physically and mentally? The thought of maturing really brings me down.
I have a few hobbies and skills, and want to start making money so my family sees that I'm actually doing something. I've tried making crafts and selling them on the street, but after hours of walking around, I came back with every single craft in hand. I'm not good at communicating. The words just don't come out right, so it's hard to sell my products. Whatever I do, my family wants it to be respectable... so I think I'll try something on the internet.
I'm rambling too much, and it shows how unorganized I am.
Thank you so much to anyone who takes their time to read this...
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You need to get a job and get your degree. Don’t worry about anything else until you do those two things. Not selling crafts, either. An actual job with predictable income. This will teach you about finances and how to budget. You can open a checking account and learn about credit and how to save for your future. You need to further your education. Make these your two goals for the new year and you would be surprised at how much they teach you so long as you are willing to learn.
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