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Dear V,
When I told you I didn't feel the same way you did, I actually did. I lied. I was way into you, but I was scared of commitment. Later on, we'd become best friends. I hated you when I first met you. You hurt my best friend and moved onto girls way too quick. But then, we started talking over the summer. You were apart of my schedule. We'd text consistently and we'd facetime. Every time you'd call me ugly as a joke when you never mean't it. You'd call me pretty or beautiful and say my personality was like none other. Moving onto the school year, you liked other girls. As each of them came and gone by, I was always there. Whenever you talked about each girl, you'd mention how each was beautiful and amazing and a couple months later they'd be gone. They'd be upset with your humor because they never really got you like I did. I'd told you I was tired of being the person you went to when you were hurt, when you had no one else. You told me you'd chosen me over them any other day. We moved on and I dropped you because everyone said you were toxic and I needed to do better. Moving on, I felt empty and bored without you. So, we started talking again. The frequent facetimes, the constant texts were coming back again. I'd told you I liked you and you told me you'd never want to risk our friendship and that we were way too close for you to risk it on a pointless relationship. I was hurt and lost once again. But, i never stopped talking to you because you made me feel special. I didn't want anyone better because you were the one I wanted. I've always thought we'd end up being those cliche movies where the best friends fall in love with each other, but I'm sure its about time that I forgot about you and I need to move on for my own good. It's in the movies for a reason right? I finally realized that i'll always be your second choice and you'd never be able to see me as your first choice and your number one. I'll always be the girl who listens to you talk on and on about other girls who light up your world when you've always lit mine up. When they're gone, I'd get the attention and the cycle would begin again. But, as the new year comes, I need to discover myself and not allow myself to be hurt anymore. I loved you unconditionally and I know now that I'm not the girl you'd risk something for and I'm fine. I'm moving on and i hope you the best in your aspirations. God, seeing your name and hearing you talk yet never noticing the feelings I had for you hurts more than ever. We talked last night till 4 and you saying how no one is interested in you hurt a lot. I'm interested in you, you dumbo. But, you'll never notice me and my feelings.
xoxo
t
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Yikes... I read the whole thing and let me tell you, I know what you're going through. I have a a guy best friend as well and I started crushing on him a month ago. I've known him for over 5 years now and I love the kid to death for being there for me. We did stop talking for about a year because he chose his girlfriend over me. Soon then we started talking again.
I just wanna say that you should continue living your life. I know it is going to be tough, but you have feelings too. I look up to what you have done.
ReplyOoofff. Feel ya.
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