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I have done nothing during this holiday but chores and watch movies. I had these grand ideas about going for drives in the country, walking through gardens, going to the beach.
I've done nothing.
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing
I'm so tired, sleepy and sad. I want to do these but not alone and not with a gf. I wish I had someone special to share it with. Someone I can relate to. I'm tired of being me. I'm tired of my aches, pains. I'm tired of feeling sad even when I'm smiling.
I'm tired of being afraid. I should be better, different.
I wanted to go watch the sun rise this morning, but to get good shots I'd have to drive to another parish, not too far but too early to go alone.
People who have someone should not take them for granted. Stop complaining and fight for your relationship, fight for your spouse - not with them.
I'm very confused. Can't think straight. I don't want to be alone but I don't want to settle. I don't want to be with someone who doesn't understand depression or FM.
I'm important, I matter but I don't need to be on a pretend pedestal.... I need genuineness that will last.
Hate lies, deceit.
Maybe I should be alone now, just wish I liked myself more so I could handle it.
I'm going to wash my car
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