have been a solo for so long

have you ever dated someone just to try it out? i feel bad for saying it—but, have you ever dated them just for an experience? i'm 19 years old introvert. i'm not shy, i just don't socialize much. i'm just too lazy. and i only have a few close friends. so i've been dating this person for three months now. pft, like a fetus. anyway, it's a brand new relationship. the last time i dated was when i was in junior school. growing up, i didn't think relationship is important, still is. but because i've been solo for so long, i wanted to try how it feels like to date someone. and this person just happend to like me since the beginning of college. to be honest, i've thought about friendzoning them like what i always do, but part of me just want to see how it'll go. i mean, they're not bad looking and also very nice. and sometimes makes me laugh. so yeah, we began dating since Oct.

last december was my 19th birthday, they surprised me a bday party with my other close friends. it was sweet but at the same time, i feel like they're intruding my birthday. i mean, i'm just starting to date them. i guess it's a normal thing for your new partner to celebrate your birthday, but i feel weird. i only do this with my closest friends. and i don't really know them at the first place, so it felt strange and i feel intruded. huh. already a signal, right?

they gave me present and i really appreciated it. and my friends were gushing over them. it was really weird for me to hear it. just weird. im really not used to any of it. im not used in a relationship with someone i barely know period. i keep questioning myself why am i dating them in the first place. im just tiring myself. clearly im not meant for this sheet. so i'm planning to break up with them. but i see how much they really like me. i honestly dont know why. but everyone keep telling me that. how they can see that they really like me. and they havent done anything wrong, so i feel really bad. but at the same time, im turtoring myself, and clearly wasting their time. i'd feel horrible if things gone out of my hands. im so effing confused. wth should i do?