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The journey of finding forgivness has been a long, tiring adventure. I have made it a point to try to give forgivness if and when someone asks for the act. However, the real challenge lies in forgiving someone even if they are not 'sorry'. My father has been one of these people. Consequently, he presents himself to be a stumbling block in my path of kindness and love. In fact, I am often bitter and hateful when his name enters my mind. I try my best to refrain from giving this negativity life. Recently, I have wrote a letter diving deep into our long history. I went through every detail of our relationship and gave my full, uncensored opinion. At the end of it I said I forgave him.
For the most part, I believe I have forgiven him. I still resent his actions. I still hold some forms of hostility when memories flood into my mind. I try my best to voice these memories aloud so that his ghost will leave the mansion of my mind. I have also taken steps to rid his presence from my life. I unfriended him and his family on facebook for one example. I believe by cutting his toxicity from my life I may be able to heal from all of the damage he has caused me. Although I will never be fully free from him as he is my little brother's father, I can distance myself from him. I have had enough of his words promising roses while his actions prove him to be only thorns. I am smart enough to know not trust him to be anymore than what he is. I'm not sure what the point of this post other than to clear the many thoughts swarming my brain.
One thing is for sure, I have reached a point of forgivness for him. I have found some peace in doing this. However, I have longer road of healing in front of me.
Until the next time,
The Voiced Thought
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