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I hope you'll understand. I hope you don't hate me for it. I love you. I love you so much and it feels like I love you a little bit more everyday. Every time I think of you, butterflies full my stomach.. I see you everyday and I try and try to find your flaws but I just can't. I everyday try to get over the fact that we will never be together again. That we'll never had what we had back then.. I miss you so much mi amor. I miss waking up and feeling so good because I knew I would get to see you when I walked to your stop in the morning. I miss you sitting down with me and us just having genuine conversations that were so very pure. You make me so happy and I wouldn't want that any other way. You don't talk to me really but when we do it's like a dream come true. I don't have to worry about my problems, because it's like they're all solved whenever you speak to me.. I smile every time I talk about you and my head spins wild when I look at you. My feet do a little awkward little dance when I'm sitting down at just the thought of you. I don't know how we got here, and I don't know where we are now but I'm glad we're not in the bad spot we were before.
I think of our memories all the time. Just middle of the day and a new memory comes to mind. I guess when it comes down to it, I'd rather have you by my side rather than anyone else. But at the end of the day I'll never be worth it to you. It would make sense. I mean you're such a great person and the way you make me feel is indescribable. I am, well, I'm nothing. Not worthy of your love, or attention. It's weird to think about it but I guess it's just a coincidence. I don't believe in destiny but somehow it feels a bit different. Somehow we always get traced back to each other. Like how I'm close to people you're close to, and how each passing day it's like I have a bigger chance of running into you. The fact that you live so close, I'm your sisters friend, our families like each other. It all ties the knot doesn't it? I see you in public quite often and it bothers me a little. Like when we went to *local water park, and out of any time I could've gone, we went on the same day. I ran into you and our parents stopped to talk to each other for a bit. I was so nervous and I wanted nothing more than to run away but somehow I felt a little bit of joy standing there awkwardly. It almost felt like for a second we should've gone together that day. Like instead of it being a passing moment, our lives should've turned a different path and we should've been together that day. You stood tall, looking away. I could tel you were uncomfortable with my presence. I know you knew what was going on and you were avoiding looking at me. Standing in my swimsuit, trembling in fear, I couldn't help but look at you and feel tears fill my eyes. But I am not weak. I will not cry, not in front of you, not in front of anyone.
I don't know why God made it this way, and I have no way of telling how this will go. But I know he has the best in store for me and I'll just have to wait. Love is patient. I can't keep begging everyday and hoping you'll come back because, from experience, that'll only make matters worse. Of course, I can only wish for you to want me. I can wish that you'll find it in your heart to give me another chance, and if you did, I promise I would make it worth your time. I don't think I've ever felt the need to put this much effort for anyone or anything, like I didn't care as much as I do right now but this feeling is so unbearable.
I have no idea if I'm feeling love, but I can almost guarantee that this is not lust. Sure thing, you have a good body and the appearance of an angel to me, but that's not what draws me to you. It's who you are. No one is like you, but of course, no one is exactly alike. But to me you're just perfect. The things you find joy in, the way you would care for me and do what I wanted to do, even if it wasn't that much fun for you. The way you are with people whenever you let your good side show. I've seen your bad side, but I've seen your good side and too and it's amazing. Absolutely beautiful. You don't want your sister to end up like you, and I can see where you're coming from. It's admirable how you look out for her and want the best for her, but if she turned out anything like you, she would be a lucky girl.
I honestly don't see how people hate you. I mean, if anyone should hate you, it should be me, but I don't. I'm far from hating you. And sometimes I hate the fact that I don't hate you, not one little bit. I have no idea if you're the same person you were before, or if there's more to you than I saw, but all in all, everything new I find out about you is a new journey and it'll be more to look forward to. I think for everyone, they have one person who they'll always enjoy and love having in their life, and for me, it's you. You might not like it now, or even ever, and it may not be the healthiest thing for me either, but it's just how it is. It's just how I feel, and I guess I'm like every other teenager in love with a boy.
You'll always be someone I think about. Whether I'm sitting in class or in the car listening to music, you're the one I'm gonna hear in my head over and over again. It's like that song Carousel by Melanie. "Chasing after you is like a fairy tail, but I feel like I'm glued on tight to this carousel." I have no idea why I'm writing this or why I think of you so much. Frankly I want you to read this so much but I know you can't. I know you won't and there's no way I'd let it happen. But honestly I think whether you read it or not. you'll never be in love with me again. *Friend think differently. People believe we have another shot together, that we'll end up together and be the happy couple we were before. It sounds great and all but I try not believing in things that will most likely not happen. Oh but it would be wonderful if we ended up together again. I'd be worth your while, I'd listen to your stories, and play the games that you wanted to play. I wouldn't be so selfish. I wouldn't cheat or fall for another. I'd dedicate myself to you. I'd live for you, I'd die for you. That's just how it is. I didn't want to fall in love with you. I didn't even wanna like you! But you just had to swoop in and make everything seem like it was just so perfect. And now I'm just sitting here over 1 year later wondering why I couldn't be enough for you. Why we can't be friends. Why every morning when I wake up the first thing on my mind is always you. Why I can't even think for 1 entire day that I'm over you. It just doesn't make sense to me. We were so amazing. Me and you, and I just want you to know why the sun sets in the west, why the waves hit the ground. Why the sun and moon are so far apart. I want you to know that you are perfect to me in every way.
I won't talk to you, I won't do anything if you don't want me to. I couldn't do anything that you wouldn't want me to. I wouldn't. I just wish for one minute I could be set free from this hell of feelings. For one minute I'd like to know that this is almost over. Everyone says it gets easier but that's what they said about 9 months ago and yet here I am. Still in awe. Still looking at you and seeing nothing but pure beauty. Looking at you and wondering in you're okay. Looking at you and seeing the sparkle in your eyes that I've never seen before. Listening to your voice and hearing nothing but a symphony. Listening and thinking about how I could listen to you all day. I could listen to your problems, I could listen and learn about the things you love.
I could listen to your jokes and laugh along. But when it all comes down to it I'll never be the one you want again. There will always be someone ahead of me. Someone who doesn't love you, but you still lust over. Love is a strong word used by everyone in the most stupid of situations. But I love you. And I've never meant it more. I've never wanted to say it more. I've never wanted to say it more. I've never felt it more, it makes me question every other time I've said it.
I have given you everything that I can give so far. I'll do whatever for you, and in the past few months, I've tried and tried to give you whatever I can, whatever you want. Your wish is my command. You are my commander. I don't know if you know that, but I don't mind if you take advantage of that. I don't mind if you use me. I don't care. When we broke up, I made a few promises to myself, promises I haven't broken. I promised I would always love you, and you would always be my first priority. I promised I would devote mt entire life to you. Not in a creepy way, but in like a charming way.
I remember when you told me that you wanted to marry me. I remember when you told me you didn't want anyone else to love you but me. I remember when you would always sing that little rap from Alex Wassabi on laughing gas. I remember when you first kissed me. I think that was the moment in which I realized I was in love with you. Like sure, I liked you a whole lot but I don't think you can just decide you actually love someone for a while. Our first kiss was over a year ago. Almost two. We were in my backyard playing a game and it took us like 30 minutes to actually get the courage to kiss each other. It was the tiniest little peck but honestly I couldn't have asked for a better one. Like you said a long time ago - you'll always be my first kiss.
But I know you don't love me. I know you love someone else. I know you'll always love other people besides me. But if there's one thing I need you to know, it's that I love you more than anything on Earth. I can guarantee you that no one has loved you this much, except for family I suppose. I don't know how else to express my emotions. I don't know how to tell you. I can never share my actual thoughts. But maybe if I actually end up sending this I will give you a brief idea of how I feel.
I don't know if i made you happy, or if you actually liked me. But our time together were the best days of my life. The absolute best and it was all because of you. Remember that one time when we were at the lock-in and we feel asleep poking each other saying to not sleep? You probably think I'm annoying or obnoxious. And truth be told I can be, and I don't like it. The only reason I'm so loud and weird from what you see, is because I act out in front of you. I act as loud as possible to get your attention. I know it's negative but anything from you makes me happy. I hate being so loud. I hate that you probably hate me. I hate that I can't be cool around you. I hate that I don't fit in with you..
But at the same time I feel like you're right where I belong. With you, in your arms, in your life. Laughing together, smiling together, living life together. I want it back, I want you back. I want us back. But I know you don't..
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I wish someone could think about me the same way u think think about her.... love is adorable...and ur feelings for her is pure...God bless i
Replyhe's actually killing her and no one cares.
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