Where are you now...?

I was thinking about you today. What is up with you? What are you doing right now? Who are you with right now? Could it be that you found someone? It's possible. Do you feel the butterflies I've felt when we were talking? If you have someone, I'm sorry that we are more than thousand miles away, and we speak different languages. I'd like you to know that I've always tried my best to keep up with you. I'm sorry this didn't work out between us, that you couldn't like me as much as I did.

Or maybe you're still sad, baby? You still shut people out, you still push people away? Are you lonely like you said you always are? I hope if you're alone, there is someone you can trust and who can support you, like I wanted to, but you didn't let me. I could have been the one who always hold your hand, no matter what. But the thousand miles... I couldn't change that. I couldn't change that I was born to a different country.

I was listening to Wonderwall, and crying cause I've heard you in that song. I watched videos where people speak your accent, and I was smiling while my heart was aching so bad. I fell asleep, dreamt about you, as I was waiting for you, but you never came. I was afraid that my dream can be my future, but I think it was just showing my fear, that you will never find your way back to me. Fell asleep again, I wanted to see you, I wanted to keep waiting in my dreams, if you will show up. But I had bad, anxious dreams after it.

I couldn't help, lying in my bed at night, I wanted to see you again. I was watching your videos, where you talk to me, smile at me. Telling me terrible jokes. Right now, I was smiling at your cringiest jokes, thinking that I never knew how funny you were. I'm dying for your laugh, it makes my heart so happy, and so sad at the same time. You were so special to me. I've let you go, because I didn't have any other choice. I've felt I was fighting for you enough, that fighting isn't exactly my job, as you are the men, aren't you? You needed space. I know we both can live without each other. Still I'm wondering, what if your life doesn't change the way it did? What if you could have been here, as you wanted to be here, but then you chose not to come, as you said, you had to clean the mess in your life?

What if you could see me just one more time?

You could feel the kiss of someone who hopelessly is in love with you?

You could feel the embrace of someone who never wants to let you go again?

If you could see me smiling at you in the moment you woke up?