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You win I guess.
I thought I was done caring about this crap but you are somehow able to make me care again.
You are somehow able to make my chest go tight and my breathing cut short.
Make my throat constrict and my eyes ready to flood.
I really hate it you know. The fact that you are able to make things that I genuinely enjoy seem anxiety filled.
The fact that every time I want to share something I enjoy I fear that you will try and make it an “I’m better” game, and it’s enraging.
And it’s completely stupid because most of it is insignificant on whose better, yet the fact that it’s you makes it feel like it.
I don’t try and bother your life or go after you so why can’t you do the same for me.
If we happen to take a part in the same thing or interest fine, but don’t go out of your way to show that your the best or like it the most, and don’t do something in spite of me.
I get that you feed off of it because it makes you feel noticed and better and it higher your self esteem but at the end of the day it’s only hurting me and affecting no one else.
And when the day comes when I can finally get my emotions in the right place to truly not care, you will be doing this with no gain, malicious or not.
You are simply competing against yourself and I’m sorry that you need the approval and attention of others just to feel good about your life.... but maybe your like that because your whole life has evolved into nothing more than a competition to be the best and show others that you “are”.
For now yes I guess you win against me. Congrats you have succeeded in making me envy the fact that you took my life and did it “better”, that everyone knows that you are the more deserving. But soon you will not be the winner, soon there won’t be a winner because the game will not exist. I am ready for that day to come and I hope for your sake you quit trying to win the game before it all comes crashing down on you in the end.
~your prey
Hi everyone, I’m new here and I’m so glad I found this place so I can put my feelings somewhere. This is basically about my ex best friend who was really toxic (hence “ex” friend), but the problem is that she still tries to compete with me. She takes everything I find the slightest joy in and tries to one up me and it’s really hard because all her little social media (7k) followers literally praise her. It’s also really hard bc she’s really good at makeup and has like a perfect body so she’s always getting praised for that too and it just feels like she always wants everyone to know that she can do this better than me or she likes that more than me. The crazy thing is that 80% of the stuff she tries one up me at doesn’t even phase her until she sees that I like it, and then she goes and post a picture and let’s everyone know how she likes this the most and all. And I hate it because it literally doesn’t matter but the fact that it’s her doing it in spite of me automatically sets me either enraged or depressed and my brain tells me not to care because it’s so stupid but my emotions won’t listen. I don’t know how to get over it and not affect me anymore.
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