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Every step that I've taken without you in my life has hurt me more than I can put into words. Every week , if not every day, I am reminded of who you were to me. Every single day I come across something that reminds me of you. I'll be the first to admit that it was a big mistake to let you go out of my life. The mistake was mine. I threw you away. I thought god wanted to show me I could live without you, but the truth of the matter is that I can't.
When I walk down the street through the area's I know you often visit, the very thought of me seeing you brings tears to my eyes. Two full years after we each went our own way I am still not able to let you go. I wonder if you think about me as well sometimes...
That I'm not the only who regrets what has happend. That I'm not the only one who wants it to go back to how it was. Unfortunately, I do think I'm the only who wants to go back. I don't think I have crossed your mind at all lately. It really hurts my heart.
I was just casually scrolling through facebook. Looking at video's of events and performances. I guess it was a stupid idea to look into the audience to see who was there, because I saw the one person who's absence I still cannot process, you. Right when I'm trying to heal the big wound that these two years have left in me. Right when I'm trying to rebuild my life again. This video with you in it gets thrown in my face and I'm reminded again of how much I miss you in my life.
If only I could see you and tell you how sorry I am for the mistake I made. I want to tell you I want everything to go back to the way things were. How you and I could laugh, share and talk about anything. However, you are a different person now than you were two years ago. So am I... I would be delusional to think everything would just go back to the way things were. I don't expect things to go back to those days. I just want you to know that I regret the decision I made and that I haven't acted like a real friend like I said I was. I thought you were fake and didn't care. Now I realise that it was me who made the mistake and was a fake friend who didn't care.
I just want to say, I never stopped loving you. You'll always be in my heart and in my dreams you'll always remain my friend ❤
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