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Years and years of trauma has led me to this, I genuinely never thought I would ever share my thoughts and feelings public.The man that caused me to do this is my father; he is the vilest and disheartening man I have ever come across in my entire life.Ever since my brother was born when I was seven he's never cared for me, since then he's verbally and physically abused me my entire life.When I do stand up to him he just spits at me and smashes my head onto the nearest object, careful not to leave a mark. He tells me I am too skinny and the next day he tells me I'm fat. If I don't do everything he wants perfectly, he'll hit me on the face and thighs leaving huge red marks. My fathers always favourited my brother in everything he does even if it's wrong, however, he views me as a child he never should have had. Before my brother was born my father loved me, he never hurt me he used to be a truly good father.He never drank at all and was a vegan/vegetarian all his life, we were fairly rich and never had financial issues, he always blamed me for ruining his life. On the other hand, he never neglected me; I had a walk-in closet with designer clothes: Louis Vuitton, Chanel, Gucci...My mother was a great woman but she was in severe denials, like my father she preferred my brother to me, which made me feel depressed. Since the age of 9, I had been experiencing suicidal thoughts but never harmed myself in any way. To say, I was never a bad child, I went to one of the highest performing grammar schools in the country.I was the top of the top or at least second, my parents were never proud of me, I had become independent myself, I tried to convince myself could care less about what they thought but deep inside I knew that was a lie. It was then when I realized why my parents loved my brother more than me, it was because he was a boy and I was a girl. That was when I realized life was not fair, yet my father NEVER EVER treated my mother with disrespect, not once in my entire life had he ever been rude and horrible towards my mother. For a time I had even had thought I was adopted, I didn't look like my parents that much and they would never tell me what blood type I was; that ended when I saw my birth certificate.I had always blamed my self for the way he treated me, I was traumatised most of my life.I could never deal with it, therefore I was ambitious and worked hard to vent out all of my anger.
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This is so heartbreaking. Im so sorry that something like this had happened to you...
But dont worry u will definitely get out of this one day, trust me. U had gone through alot and that itself has made u more independent but i know of course we still need love and care from others, especially your family. I hope u find that person soon and remember that you are never alone. You can fight it just like how u did all this while. You are who you are and be proud of it becuz no one can change it
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