Suicidal

I've been suicidal for maybe 10 years. 2 months ago (Jan. 2016) My sister's Boyfriend (Morgan) hung himself in their office they shared in their apartment. This affected me more than I thought it would. I always thought the way I would die was by suicide. But since this happened, I know I could never do that to my family and friends.

My sister's life will never be the same. 2 months later and she still has some serious PTSD. I was the first one she called after it happened and the only other one to see him be taken away in that white zip up bag (they really should make those things thicker so you can't see through it) by the medical examiners. I imagined myself being in that bag and having my family see me being taken away. Now, I could never cause that kind of pain and sorrow to my family and friends.

Suicide is awful. While it may be hard for some to understand, I fully comprehend the reason behind it. Sometimes life just gets to be too much. Too much pain. Too much sorrow, and too much sadness. You don't want to live another day in pain so you take your own life. I'm not gonna lie. I think about killing myself still. But my sister and close friends are the only thing keeping me going. After seeing how all of Morgan's friends were affected, I know that there are people who care about me and if I were to take my own life, so many people would be devastated.

If you are suicidal I encourage you to find help, talk to a friend, or even talk to me. I know your pain. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! And you don't have to suffer in silence. Depression is very common so you shouldn't hide your pain. Find a friend or mentor and talk to them when you feel down. It might just save your life.