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Suicide is Not the Answer
By Novni Community Member
Hi. This my first time writing on novni. I was bored and found this incredible place. I intended to share just random little thoughts of mine, but here I am writing about the biggest lesson life has ever given me.
I've stumbled upon some letters published by people going through depression. Their despair slowly and painfully dragging them into total darkness, and having read those it resonated with me right away.
What triggered me to share my own story was seeing suicide notes - letters from people giving up and giving in to their darkness.
I will never be proud to say these words: I attempted to kill myself.
Yes, I did, and failed, thankfully. (I consider it the most beautiful failure in my life.)
However, it wasn't the way I tried to kill myself, but the years of going through unimaginably consuming hopelessness that hurt the most. I didn't call it hopelessness back then. I kept telling myself there was no way I could ever get through that shit, and that I was completely fucked up (sorry for the bad words). I had my friends, family, and even people I didn't know. They were there for me, yet I kept my door closed and locked because I was certain that everybody cared, but nobody understood and nobody would.
I was fed up. For me, it was less painful and easier to kill myself than to keep living which meant slowly dying to me. I saw suicide as my everlasting solace, a light that would end the darkness I was in. I couldn't have been more wrong though.
Not everyone gets a second chance. I understand how incredibly fortunate I am that I was lucky enough to have been given one.
I will never be able to explain to everybody exactly how it was. I know I was selfish for hurting the people who care about me and love me. After my suicide attempt, I just woke up (in a hospital) with a renewed hope. It hurt to see my family and friends crying. I cried over my realizations and in gratitude for a second chance to live.
It was magical just how I woke up hopeful one day, but it wasn't a magic trick. It was God, and I know it will always be him that can save us.
I realized that he has given me my life and it is mine to live, but his to take back.
I've been living my second life now for almost four years.
I pray that my story will give hope to anyone who reads it that is feeling hopeless.
I have survived, and so can everyone else. So can you, and so will everybody else.
Let my story be an example not to make the same mistake I did before realizing that your life has value. Have faith that people will understand or at least try their best to understand your pain. Talk to someone you trust. I guarantee they will help you get through this darkness however they can.