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Okay, I'm really sorry, that title sucks. I don't know how to reach out to someone who can give me advice without being outright about it. I'll learn.
I need advice, from someone who may have been in my position, or who would have some insight.
I love love love my roommate. And not just love her, I am in love with her. I know she feels the same way, we flirt, and talk about everything, and it's just so surreal that she is my soulmate.
The problem: we have never kissed, or made love, or anything. Also, I have never been with a woman. Always men, and she uses that as a defense mechanism. She lived with a terrible friend before, they had sex once, and now they aren't friends. Which is how she came to be with me. We have been roommates for about a year now, and still no issues. I want more. Whenever I flirt, she flirts back, but if I say something a little too personal she says "yeah, but you like dick too much." It's the same thing when she flirts with me. I don't stop her, and I'll turn red and give a little chuckle, but she goes "too bad you like dick too much." I jokingly said I was going to wear some slinky lingerie that she called raunchy, she said "I hope so" and I took it back, saying "naw It wouldn't look right on me." She got super defensive and told me not to tease her. Like... how do I break her out of this thought that Yes, I love men, always have been straight, until I fell in love with you. I just.. I'm not her ex friend. I won't get a boyfriend after having sex with her. I stopped sleeping with guys altogether. It's been over a year since I have been with someone, because I want to be with her. I have been really patient, and will be more patient if need be.
But, is there a way for me to ease her mind? And show her I'm not going anywhere?
We live together, worked together, go to college together, and are literally planning our futures together. We are even planning a "fake" wedding together.. which is weird, but thats us. It's who we are. I just want to feel the warmth of her kiss on my lips. I want to be the reason she smiles when she wakes up in the morning. I know if she didn't have a bad experience with her ex friend, we would already be together-together.
Should I just wait for her to make the move? I feel like someday she will, she almost already has. -Drunk on her birthday, we went out and she told me "It's so hard not hitting on you right now." I giggled to ploy it off, but if she kissed me then, it would have been perfect.
Help?
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I don't mean to be negative and I may be way off on this but are you sure she's not leading you on? Saying things like "It's so hard not hitting on you right now" - it's almost as if she's teasing you.
I hope that's not the case and otherwise, I think you may be right you can't force her to open up. It will either happen naturally in time or won't happen at all. The most you can do is be clear with her about your feelings and accept hers as they are which it sounds like you are already doing.
Good luck!
ReplyI think you should tell her all of these things and if she gets mad or defensive, be patient and remind her that you aren't leaving. Be honest with her and see where it goes, I know it will be hard but it's better to at least have tried than to always regret what you could have had.
ReplyOnce when you guys are too close and flirting, either try touching her or just kiss her. It's too risky but give her hints that you're in love with her.
I did that. I gave too many hints to the girl I liked and now we're together and very happy..
ReplyIf you want her to kiss you, kiss her yourself. Just go for it.
Reply