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My child is trans. I cried when they told me. I love my child no matter what. I am just terrified for them. I have nightmares about them being targeted by bullies. I am afraid they will get beaten, raped mutilated or murdered for being transgender.
I wish they could have been born in the right body. I wish they were born cis. Not for me, but for them. I don't want them to get hurt.
I try to talk to my husband about this, but he isn't supportive with me. He loves our child and accepts them. He just doesn't want to hear me talk about how I feel. He says, there is no point in worrying over things you have no control over.
It frustrates me, because I need to say I am scared for my kid. I need someone to say they understand.
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First off, I think it's wonderful you're being supportive of your child. That's the important thing is having a support system. While I myself am not transgender I've known from countless articles and findings on the internet that an unstable home life and lack of support can lead to self harm and other bad things.
I can tell you're scared and who wouldn't be? This world lately has been crueler with the hatred and bullying we face. I think all you can do for your child is just be the loving and supporting parent that you already are being, and try to work with your child as they blossom into the young adult they're becoming. I hope that's somewhat assuring.
ReplyAs a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, though not trans myself, I can assure you that although your fear for your child is valid and alright, it is even worse to face fear and lack of support from your parents than from anything the world can throw at you.
The world can hold people who would shoot you, burn you at the stake, all for being yourself as someone who is LGBTQIA+. But at the end of the day, what is even worse than what any of them could do, is to see the few people that are supposed to love and protect you unconditionally (your family) wish you were normal or fear for you or doubt you. I haven't come out to my family and don't plan to unless I hit a point where it is unavoidable because I'm afraid of being disowned. Needless to say, it eats me alive and tears me up to be in such a family. I wish I wasn't their daughter at times because of all the doubt and guilt and pain it causes me.
Your child is lucky to have you and your husband supporting them, but remember, this has been/is a process of fear and self doubt for them as well, and having your support and love and not worrying about their parents worrying about them will do more for them than having their parents worry about their safety. Yes, it is your right as a parent to be concerned, but do not let your concern get in the way of helping them on their journey. The best you can do for them though is to support them, to advocate for LGBTQIA+ rights, and to let them live the way they are meant to be.
I hope this was helpful. And a quick congratulations from me to your child- coming out is a difficult step, and even if I don't know them personally, I'm proud of them for taking it!
ReplyMy girlfriend is mtf transgender and it was tough for her, she didn’t come out until she was 18 and she didn’t have a lot of support but things changed. Now she has all the support in the world and a whole village around her to protect her.
Wishing things were different won’t change anything but being there for your child and making sure they have support is all you can do.
Also make them aware of the dangers in this world. I know you are going to want to hide them from the hate but instead make them aware that it’s there.
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