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Blackness hanging from above,
Draped weights plundering down on my weightless wings,
Blue skies a rare endemic of happiness.
Or is it the common pandemic of dark skies which infects me chronically?
Empty is all I feel…
Empty … lonely
Surrounded by love, yet completely isolated in a desert of by own head
A desert of nothingness;
Nothingness which degrades in to tears of black thorns,
Thorns that cut my cheeks and wrists…
Cuts down my cheeks, elongated scars of dissociation,
Blackouts of confusion and utter hopelessness
There it was.
A stretched out slice of stainless steel, cold and lifeless,
Weighted perfectly with optimal balance for any keen culinary master
Then I did it …
I didn’t want to, but at the same time the drive was so instinctively strong,
So I begun.
I traced a line from my anterior elbow down to the distal end of my arm.
Drops of blood, begun happily weaving there way down my forearm,
Pale white skin stained with the oxygen drained blood,
Euphoric feeling of lightheadedness, and absolute peace.
Laying on my bed, arms opened up to heaven,
I finally felt peace.
And then she walked in,
That's all I remember
Now I am here wishing she never woke me,
Wishing that she walked past the almost lifeless room,
In a blaze of self obsession, and cosmic wavelengths…
Wishing to God that he would let me leave this place,
He will not let me exit this time.
Not this time; maybe next time.
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