To the one I love the most

The time i spent with you were the most precious one. With you, i was able to feel things that i had never felt before. You felt right and easily made your way in my heart. Even now i still can't believe i had a relationship with you. You were one of the popular guys; liked by everyone and wished they were me. They told me i was lucky with you. Indeed, i was and still is. I was one of the girls who admired you from a far and i was satisfied with that but i couldn't help but wonder how it would feel hug you, kiss you, cuddle with you and most importantly: have you as my boyfriend. I never knew that you were interested in me too until you asked me out. During the date, you treated me specially and even opened doors for me and paid for my food which i didn't expect you to do. You were the one I've hoped and prayed for and you said i was the one you hoped and prayed for as well. You were such a gentleman.

I was interested and curious about you and i wanted to know more about you but i was intimidated by you. We both work at the same place and we would be in the same shift together. I remember the times i would escape and run away from you whenever you were there or you were beside me. I would go quiet whenever i see you but i would listen to you laugh and talk to your friends. All those times, i chose not to talk to you because i didn't have the courage to do so. I was also scared and cautious because what if you break my heart like the most of them did? At that time, i was still healing from the bastard who took advantage of my kindness and called me a side gf (but thats another story).

Then, as if fate wanted us to be together so badly we worked on the same shift. You were the one to approach me first. You said that that was the first time you approached a girl and i was touched with it because i knew you liked me too. Then before i knew it, we were already close and would message each other everyday and we dated. Those days were the best ones but always, good things need to come to an end. At that time, i knew i had to let you go. That my time with you was up but i didn't want to. I couldn't do it. I couldn't imagine you with someone else but me. I cried every night because of it which caused me to be depressed again.

Our relationship went downhill when we broke up for the first time. You cried at that time. You cried more than i did and i was so happy when i heard you cry because i knew you still loved me. We broke up because of the conflicting religion. It was a sin and one of us had to convert religion. I didn't understand it. It didn't sink in. I have never felt immense fear but i did on that day. I felt my heart sank and i cried my heart out so much that i hyperventilated. I have never felt so much emotions rushing in at once until that day. We got back together after 10 hrs because we saw each other the next day and you couldn't do it. You said you couldn't abandon me and we made up. You kissed me while whispering i love you the most and hugged me afterwards. Then it got more complicated. We broke up and got back together again and every time we did, it wasn't the same anymore. You were slowly slipping away from me even though you were still by my side. I had to let you go but i thought that i could make it all right, that this is just another challenge that we will overcome but it wasn't. I couldn't because you didn't want to. I guess you found someone else already because you weren't affected by the break up anymore. You said that you would message me now and then but it never happened. As soon as i stopped messaging you, you stopped too. I'm supposed to hate you right now for all of the hurtful words you said, your actions and how you didn't think i would feel about it but i can't. I don't want to. Even now, i still go through our old convo and i read my journal which is all about you. It reminds me that we once had best relationship that i ever got into. That i was loved and cared for. I really wish and pray that you could stay in my life but i can't when you don't want to be in your life anymore.

My friends asked why we broke up and i always say "because he did not want me anymore. He was slipping away from me every day. I found myself wondering why i'm staying in a relationship when he do not love me anymore. I asked him several times if he still loves me but he would talk about something else. I told him i love you and he said i know. That's when i knew that the guy i once loved was not there anymore."

Love, i still love you. I would message you but you've already move on. You already have someone else beside you. I'm happy if you're happy and i know that you're happy now. I will always love you even when you don't love me anymore. I miss you so much that wherever i go and whatever i do reminds me of you. It doesn't hurt that much anymore. I smile whenever i think of you and our memories. Remember when you said "I can get you in heaven."?