Rushing Life

It's almost 1AM, I have work later in the morning and I'm very sleepy so this one will be short and sweet.

These past two weeks, since I graduated and started working (congrats me!), I noticed there was still... an emptiness inside of me. I couldn't understand. I've obtained my college degree after 3 years of hard work, I got a nice summer job at my internship, things are fine at home, and I just turned 21 yesterday! So why was that feeling still lingering inside, making knots in my stomach?

It was after a few episodes of binge-watching Drop Dead Diva, that I realized something I've been neglecting all my life.

After all the blood, sweat and tears of studying at school and working to take care of my family, I've never learned to just love. How stupid, isn't it?

I wanted so desperately to finish school as quickly, as early as possible and for what? To become busy and antisocial at the sweet age of 21?

Hell no. I want a life. I want to love. I want to love life.

Not just someone or what I do, but most importantly, myself.

I've been feeling like I skipped a lot of stuff other 20 year olds do. Having a part-time job and constantly complain about it, but still feeling proud to have that hard-earned paycheck on Friday. Saving money to treat yourself with friends with either a fancy diner, some crazy night-out, a trip out of town. Gaining independence day by day as the months go by without feeling the need to call Mom or Dad. Finding the perfect moment to take the day off to see someone you've really liked for a while. Just taking time. Loving life in its simplicity. Loving our closed ones. Loving ourselves.

It's funny how I just rushed everything, thinking I'd only waste my time by not going to school in a specific program with a specific job and a specific goal in mind. I've missed being a young woman in the beginning of the 20s. Maybe I don't want to work a full-time job in a complicated field and let it be my life for the next 20 years. Maybe I just want to be a 21 year old. Maybe I need to learn to take things in my own pace and just grow to love everyone and everything around me.

Wow, that was corny.

If this is what happens to me after a few episodes of Drop Dead Diva, I'd hate to see myself watch an emotional drama or thriller.

Anyway, moral of this pointless story is: don't rush anything in life. We're skipping the most important steps for us to obtain in life by doing so.

Let yourself be young, let yourself be a little slow, let yourself make mistakes, let yourself GROW.

I'm lucky because I just turned 21 so I have a lot of time to make up for all the boring years I've spent trying to be the most pertinent member of this machine we call "society". You can't rush life.

Don't forget to take care of yourselves and thank you for sticking around.