Please help me

I wish I could explain myself to someone who cared and be understood but not turned away because of my mistakes. I have been treated so poorly latley it isn't even humane. My boyfriend (now ex) is so mentally, verbally and physically abusive to me that I don't even know how I let it get this far.

He has drugged me, he has hit me, he has yelled and screamed at me in public and behind closed doors, he has given me a black eye, punched me in the nose, slapped me, kicked me, pulled my hair, tried to choke me, and threatened to kill me.

He has take my hygiene products, peed on my clothes, threatened to hurt my family, stole my personal belongings, stole my house key and made a spare, he makes me feel like I am worthless and the worst part is I can't tell anyone because they either think I'm on drugs, crazy or they just don't care. I used to defend him and I am so ashamed because I turned my back on people who cared.

I have lost my family. I am bearly hanging on to my place to stay, i am so lonely, I feel hopeless because I want to be there for my son and I can't stop doing drugs. I feel like a failure in life. My Dad has lost hope in me, my mom emotionally blackmails me, my brothers don't look at me the same, i have no friends, i messed up my future by breaking the law and wasting four years of my life, i don't know how to support myself and my son and I wonder if im going to ruin his future even more by staying.

I have lost my hope and faith in myself. I dont feel like I am allowed to ask God why I am treated this way because I brought my son into this world and can't raise him like I should.