The regrets, and stress from my life

The is year has been a rough one. I don’t know where I belong anymore. How to act or feel. I’ve been though three types of drama through school this year. The first one was when I caught someone vaping along the staircase during the morning. I had accidentally slipped the word out of my mouth and told someone. The person I told later that day got the person I saw that vaped that day. They began saying “why did you say that”. And got all mad at me. For a while in p.e him and his friends would bother me. He threw a grape and a piece of chicken at me before and called out “(my name) you pigeon”. Him and his friends would always bother me about how terrible I was in sports. I ignored them but one day it got to me so I just broke down. My friends threatened to tell them to leave me alone but I told them I was fine and hid myself. Luckily I’m okay now. Another time was when I was just helping out a friend(honestly don’t know if we’re friends anymore). They wanted to know if my ex- friend was gonna break up with him. So I asked her that day she said she would. I asked her why she was gonna break up with him. She explained that she couldn’t tell me now and said it was hard for her. I told her I would talk care of him if he was hurt. Then a few minutes later I told him she’d break up with him. Later on someone had passed on I’d told him to my ex-friend so she got upset and she’s and her friend left me. She didn’t even tell me I tried to hug her friend but she told me “get away from me”. And started speed walking away from me. At this moment my heart broke into pieces nobody told me anything so I thought it was fine. I later found out from an ex-friend of her’s during the time that she never even liked him at all. Which made never feel bad for him because he liked her a lot. They had only started dating for a day before we had break. So as soon as Monday came in they broke apart. The last situation had broke me the most I changed classes and my first day I met my ex-friend. The teacher instructed me to sit between her and another girl. We became friends and found out we had similar interests. One day I got mad from fighting with my mom one day(we are on okay terms but things can change quick). I vented on her as she was the only closest person I had at that time. This occurred on the day before the school dance so she was all excited and accidentally sent she what she was gonna wear as she wanted to keep it a surprise. I had forgotten that she was a sensitive person and said that “you shouldn’t be too nice to people because they can take advantage of you”. Then that time that I wasn’t myself at all as the anger had consumed me completely from the anger that I had against my mom. I told her “If your too nice to people you’ll be a slave for people and that’s “pathetic”. So that’s where it ended. I went to the dance tried to talk to her but was ignored. I didn’t know what happened. I just noticed glares from her friends and ignored them. Later I checked the messages I sent her and felt regret. I heart became heavy as she had sent to me “why are you being so mean to me”. I never noticed any sooner. From the on we just drifted I wasn’t said to have bullied her and fat shamed her. Her friends asked me “Why’d you do that to her” and “She’s crying because of YOU”. I was lost at words I didn’t realize how much my words could hurt people hurt her. I said sorry but I wanted to make a full apology letter and saying I was wrong I didn’t realize that was considered bullying. I was never told that was bullying. As time passed she was still smiling as I was still depressed and heartbroken. I thought I guess she’ll never accept me back right and kept on letting time pass on. I envied her and other people like her having lots of friends, being able to fit in. She couldn’t accept a person like me ever again. I just don’t realize what I’m saying and how it might’ve hurt people around me until someone says something. I wish all these last two problems could be verbally fixed but the people just ignored and probably forgot who I am in their minds. As for the last girl I talked about I loved her a lot she was the only person I hadn’t truly loved. I’m glad that she can continue life’s without me as I stay with all the burdens. I was stuck with bad memories or just remembering things I didn’t need to remember. Maybe because I had fallen on the floor on my head as a child and that made me like this. My parents are working everyday trying to work for the rent money. So they couldn’t tell me or teach me properly. I was the shadow of the shadow of the family. I had terrible grades and was always lectured. “Oh why do you have such bad grades”, “You should know it like this (Dad:snaps finger)” Even my teachers thought something wrong with me and told my parents you should go to the doctor to see if something’s wrong with her. They thought I couldn’t pick up things fast. I just was out of it didn’t try and saw my grades and thought well that’s who I am. I have terrible grades and am worse than my brother. I’d also be compared to successful people my dad heard about like “ oh this person isn’t so successful why don’t you be like them”, “Why are your grades so terrible”, “Why don’t you be smart like you’re brother”. My parents we’re also both like “oh that’s easy even I could do it”. Really you’re just a bystander watching not trying it how do you know. Programs these days are made to basically make you think out the box. Causing you brain wanting to explode and wanting yourself to disappear you sure? My parents stress me out make me wanna disappear I feel like nothing. Why was I even born ,was I a mistake to you? They are also strict and over protective so I wanna be free but recently. I got the desire to disappear and get away and never see them ever again. I feel like some pet they adopted I didn’t have a phone till recently when my aunt gave me my old phone, I don’t even have a room ,or I can’t hang out with people and be free like how people my age are like. They don’t care if I want alone time and drag me in and out of the apartment as they please. My mom and brother teasing me, my Dad having ticking bomb temper. I just wanna having a drama free happy life. I have many flaws so much that even I don’t like myself I was called ugly and agreed to person that said that. Anyways I wanna be alone from them and relive my broken heart from drama this year at school help?