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Just because I smile and laugh doesn't mean I'm happy. I may seem or even feel happy in the moment but as I reflect I Can see that it is not happiness. I always am hiding myself. I never allow myself to be seen by others. I dont let anybody in. When people try to get close I shut down. I feel so tired and drained from all the energy I've put into hiding. Though it's hard it's so natural and comfortable to just slip away. When I'm away from everyone I can feel and be myself, but in the open I fake it. I know I shouldn't but it's comforting. I know I should try to open up but I'm mortified.
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i do same
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