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I find myself constantly wondering how to live my life. I live with five other people in my house, including my parents but I know that I could potentially do more if certain people weren't part of the family.
I constantly wonder if I'm doing enough for my future, for my parents' expectations, for other people's expectations for me. I've honestly never felt or heard any of my family members being proud or saying that they're proud of me.
They, my parents, show me support but I've never verbally heard them say that they're actually proud of me. I don't know if their support should be enough for me. It should be, I think? I mean that's more than some parents do for their kid. I just don't feel appreciated at all.
Most days, I feel like they, specifically two out of three of my siblings, treat me as a pseudo slave,only needed if they, well, need anything. I'm nothing more than someone to talk or call out to when they need a glass of water or if they need to borrow money or something.
Other than those two scenarios, I think that all I am to them is someone who's beneath them in some way. I don't feel like they value my opinion on anything.
I'm the youngest of four and they say, in my country any way, that when you're the youngest in the family that you're supposed to be this spoiled brat, always getting anything and everything you want when you want it. As you've probably guessed, I've never felt this either.
I think I always get the short end of the stick in situations. When I was younger asking for help, not even financially just with administration stuff, with enrolling for college was me being irresponsible somehow and, in my head, well, didn't my older brother, who's the sibling who came before me, ask help from you too? Why can't I do the same thing? Why can't I ask for the same help? But I powered through that situation so......
Also, it doesn't help that my siblings, two out of the three specifically, I keep repeating that because they're the two people I don't get along with, are very difficult to converse with. They're the type of people who are angry for no reason or angry when the other one's also angry and they feed off of each others' anger.
I keep telling myself that I now have only one sibling, the only sibling I like and it sucks that he barely comes or stays home anymore. I guess he too feels the suffocating atmosphere at home and wants to distance himself. It doesn't help that my angry all the time brother, what a shocker, doesn't like him. (I don't think he likes or cares about any one but himself and that's not even an exaggeration.)
I've never understood how he can stay mad all the time when everyone in the family adjusts to him and his "needs". He doesn't pay for things because, guess what, he gets angry. His anger gets him out of situations where in he should be acting like a responsible adult.
He still gets blackout drunk all the time though he knows that he fights people when he drinks. Is that normal? For you to know that you have a destructive behavior streak and still continue to do the same thing over and over again, not caring about how what you're doing affects your family.
At this point, I don't even care if it affects me. I just want him to care about what it does to our parents. But I think that day will never happen and it's sad because I want my parents to live out the rest of their lives happily.
I'm currently 22 and my goal in life is to make sure that I have the same lifestyle my parents afforded for me and for me to be able to help them live out the rest of their lives living this same lifestyle or an even better one if I play my cards right.
Problem is I don't know how. It seems like I have a lot of goals and achievements to reach but not have a lot of time to do so. I just hate that a lot of people out there, who are my age, are more successful. I mean come on! Kylie Jenner is almost a freaking billionaire! What the heck!
I want a 300sqm house, at least, and want to be able to retire by 30. These are the dreams I have but, and though I know this is kind of an excuse, I have people in my life that I feel hinder me in attaining my full potential and I hate that I don't know what to do about it. I just want to know how! That has been my question for days now, HOW!!!!!
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Hi dear stranger.First of all I want to tell you that you are a very good human being,this is what I make out with your writing.My advice to you would be don't have expectations from others not even your parents.You crave for appreciation from your parents and siblings but that doesn't happen which is normal.Most of the parents dont express their appreciation for their kids and so do the siblings.Expectation is the root cause of suffering.Free your mind from expectations and focus on the one thing which you love and want to do.Find that thing which you love to do,do it passionately and then you can teach that skill to others or start your business.Talk to your friends or share with someone whom you love and trust whenever you are annoyed with family members.When you are financially stable you can move out of the house and still care for your parents.All the best my friend :)
ReplyThank you! :)
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