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Trying to explain the thoughts in my head is a difficult task. Why? Because I know it will exhaust me, and the end result? No one will understand, not even myself. So then I ponder, what is the point? And so the endless cycle of rumination and despair repeats. It grows anxiously inside me, but I will never let it reach the outside world. I will never allow myself to drop my pride and let the world know that they were right to look down upon me. They were right in the fact that I was never going to amount to anything. I will not be rich, powerful, beautiful, and/or useful in this society. I am self-loathing. I am unmotivated. I am unskilled. I am this, I am that, and I will continue to complain til I self-destruct and most of all, I will continue to do nothing about it til the day I die. That will be my sweet release.
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They are having an inner monologue with themselves. They are afraid that no one will understand the thoughts they are having. They think that they are the only ones. They don't want anyone to know their troubles, they lock it so deep inside themselves. They tell themselves that it'll be okay as long as no one knows. They think it'll be easier to live life quietly lulling in passivity. They do not want to engage. They do not want to socialize. They do not want to live - only then will they find true happiness.
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I also feel like no one will understand the thoughts tangling inside my head. I can't articulate them or even understand them. One minute my self-loathing is so clear, the next I can't remember what I was hating about myself. I hate that I have to go through this, but I hate that others have to even more. If I knew what would help you, I would do it in an instant. But I apologize, I don't know what to do. However, I want to tell you to find one person you can tell. Physically saying your troubles, even in gibberish, helps the slightest bit. If nothing else, record yourself then delete it. Or say it out loud to no one.
I'm sorry but I really don't know what else could help us.
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