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I am an overthinking twenty year old female. I had a wonderful relationship. HAD. i ended this wonderful four year long relationship a half hour ago . in person. at my home. a LOT of tears. i love him.
my problem is that i am incredible aware. to the point where i think i am aware of things that simply does not exist.
he is not cheating
he does not lie
he is my best friend
the only person who can calm me down
i love him
i left him
why?
i live in a third world country it is the "most developed" compared to the other islands around us and my family is not traditional in the least. i live in an extended household. the house does not belong to me or my parents, we live comfortably but the issue of bringing my boyfriend over is touchy.
we are allowed in the living room and patio. NO BEDROOM.
my mother is obsessed with this because she really cares about image. my mother tells everyone i am the "dream child" . ( i am an only child) . i do great in school i have never gotten into any trouble i am average basically.
my mother can sometimes be a bully my father is somewhat involved at best. but we are happy.
ANYWAY
he came today , i was angry because he came late he always does. it bothers me because like my mother, i also care about image like... what would my aunt who lives with us think about him always coming late? its embarrassing when everyone is waiting for him to come because i said he was coming and he comes FOUR HOURS LATE .
yet that is exactly what happened.
keep in mind this is the second time he has ever visited me home. WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR FOUR YEARS
anyway
it was only me him and my aunt at home
my aunt leaves to go see her friend in the hospital
we go in my bedroom
i have anxiety the door is wide open literally just making out stanidng in the middle of my room and then we go downstairs because i am sure i heard someone pull up in the driveway
THIS IS WHEN I FREAK OUT BECAUSE MY AUNT CLEARLY CAME BACK HOME AND SWITCHED CARS WHILE I WAS UPSTAIRS WITH MY TONGUE DOWN HIS THROAT
i freak out
whatever.
then we get into an argument over god alone knows what because i am not sure
i push him etc
and beg him to like yell at me because he is always so calm and he doesnt
alot of things about our relationship has been bothering and sometimes it is just too much and i lose my cool
i tell him i cannot deal with myself and i hate who i am becoming ( with regards to the pushing)
i break it off
on that whole idea that he deserves better which i genuinely think he does
i dont know what to do
i just have anxiety right now
clearly i have been caught and my mother is going to kill me
and i think i just ruined something and someone i love.
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You should have tell about your relationship to your family , if you feel like it's better to have him in your life you still have time to sort things out and be together .
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