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I had a best friend throughout elementary, middle, and half of high school. Let’s call her Peyton. Peyton was never a good friend. She was very insecure but tried her hardest to be popular by playing every sport and doing beauty pageants. Because she tried to be popular and I was more shy back then, she would actively shun me at school. She never wanted to be my partner in class projects, she hardly ever sat with me in class or at the lunch table, and she would often ignore me for her other friends who were better for her image. Peyton constantly insulted me and tried to make me feel bad about myself. She would say things like “your sweater is old and nasty but my blouse is pretty and new.” She told me if her hair was pulled up in a ponytail, it meant she woke up in a good mood and was able to do her hair, but if her hair was just hanging loose with nothing done to it, I shouldn’t bother talking because she was in a bad mood. Peyton and I played softball together and she would insult my skills and say I only made the all-star team because my dad was the coach (which was not true I ended up being all-state in high school). She told me my butt was too big for my body and I should wear baggy pants and try to suck it in when I walked throughout the school halls. One time her tablemate in algebra didn’t show up for school and when I tried to sit with her she told me to move because she’d rather sit with her other friend than me. I tolerated all of this because I was young and because she claimed I was her best friend and she loved me. Fortunately, Peyton and I started drifting apart in high school and by the time we were juniors, we weren’t even speaking to each other. It was for the best.
I had another good friend in high school school, too. Let’s call him Adam. Adam and Peyton were friends too, but they weren’t all that close. Ironically, as Peyton and I drifted apart, Adam and I grew closer. The summer before junior year we went to amusement parks, county fairs, and each other’s houses quite often and we texted each other nearly every day. By the time school rolled around, we were pretty much inseparable. He even asked me to the homecoming dance and I couldn’t have been happier. Adam and I had been friends since middle school, but I started to develop a crush on him. I didn’t know exactly what I was feeling, but I knew that I enjoyed spending time with him and I laughed with nearly every text he sent me. I got the feeling that maybe he liked me too but I was always too scared to ask.
I went through some health problems in high school and I won’t bore you with the details, but I went through six surgeries and eight hospitalizations in two years. One of those surgeries was a liver transplant during my junior year. Adam was actually with me when I got the call that they had a new liver for me. He seemed happy but scared for me. Adam gave me like three hugs before he left. But I wasn’t afraid. I knew that with the love and support of my family and friends, I could get through the painful surgery
The surgery went well with only a few complications, but I had to be out of school for two months. And I didn’t know if I could play softball that upcoming season and since I was our team’s main pitcher, that devastated me. Being in the hospital for nearly a month was hard for me, but I kept my spirits up and I worked through the pain of my incision. Most of my friends still kept in touch with me. They missed me and couldn’t wait for me to feel better and come back to school. Adam and I talked, but not as much as we used to. It was kind of upsetting, but I figured he was just busy with school or something.
When I returned home from the hospital, I had a mountain of homework waiting and I knew I would have to spend special time with my school’s sports trainer if I wanted to be physically able to play softball soon. I also had to start studying for the ACT test. The amount of work I had to do was overwhelming, but I was determined to finish the school year on time and play softball. One specific day I was feeling very overwhelmed and basically had a mental breakdown. One of my other friends from school came over to talk me through it. She even gave me some good news: a few weeks ago Adam told her that he was going to ask me to prom. Adam was going to ask me to prom?! This was the best news I had gotten since the call about my new liver. And honestly, this was the only good thing that had happened to me in months.
By the time I got back to school, I still had some homework to catch up on and the ACTs to study for, but I could play softball without any restrictions and I was happy with that. I thought when I returned to school, Adam and I would be exactly the way we were before. But I was wrong. I tried to talk to Adam at school but he ignored me. After he walked away from me, I saw him walk over to Peyton. Peyton?! As far as I knew, they haven’t really talked in months why was he talking to the girl who he knew used to treat me like crap? When my other friend saw the horror I was looking at, she sighed.
“I kept this from you because I was hoping it would be a phase and it would dissolve by the time you got back but they’ve been hanging out a lot. They’ve gotten really close,” she told me.
I shook my head and insisted that their friendship wouldn’t affect ours, but both she and I knew that wasn’t the truth. I knew I had no right to pick his friends for him but Peyton? I told him the things she used to say to me and the things she used to do me. He would always respond saying no one should treat their friends that way. How could he be such good friends with her knowing how she treated me? It hurt, but I kept it bottled inside for a while. I thought we’d get close again and besides, he was gonna ask me to prom! But I couldn’t keep up my denial after I saw on social media that Adam asked Peyton to prom. When I read that post, I broke down in tears. How could he do this to me? How could he do this to me now at the worst time in my life when I needed him? After I worked up some courage, I finally texted him asking him what the hell happened. Why he ditched me and for her. He said that I was gone so he had to make new friends. That Peyton was less drama for him right now. That my other friends bothered him so he wanted to stay away from them and me. Finally I told him I knew he was going to ask me to prom and he responded with “Yeah I was. Good thing I didn’t.” At this point, I was just filled with rage. I told him that Peyton uses people and once she finds that you’re not worth her time anymore for whatever reason, she’ll ditch you without warning. I told him she’s selfish and a bully, but he didn’t bother to listen. After the conversation ended, I cried in my bed no longer angry, just hurt. I’ve been upset and hurt by friends before but this time was different. I could feel in my body how sad I was. I was sick to my stomach. I thought my bedroom walls were caving in on me. And I kid you not, I felt physical pain almost as bad as the surgery I had. I just felt... broken. I cried myself to sleep every night for three weeks. Seeing them at prom together nearly killed me.
To put the long story in perspective, my best friend--who I trusted and cared about so much, ditched me... while I was in the hospital....in more and more stress than he can possibly imagine....for a girl who he knew had hurt me a lot in the past. And he told me that he ditched me simply because I wasn’t there. Instead of being there for me through a difficult time in my life like a friend should’ve been, he chose to abandon me. I didn’t choose to leave. I was in the hospital. Adam never once apologized or even really admitted what he’d done. Whenever I’d bring it up he’d simply say “oh that old thing.”
As I predicted, Peyton broke his heart and got a new boy toy later the next school year. Adam told me what happened between them and it took everything in me not to say “I told you so.” I wish I could say that Adam and I didn’t really talk again after that all went down, but I give people chance after chance to screw me over. Our friendship obviously though, was never the same. I felt more like a convenient and occasional hang out rather than a friend. It was only recently that Adam and I stopped being friends. After the first couple years of college, we just stopped talking. And I have to say I am so much better off without Adam or Peyton. I deserve better friends and I have them now. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m in a good place in life and with my family and friends.
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Enjoy and cherish people who will always be there for you no matter what <3 always get back up from all the challenges in life, you’re stronger than you think :)
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