Crushed and now rising like a rising flour, thanks Novni

(I wrote on my Notepad first, hence the title)

Hi.

As of now, I am feeing crushed and sad all the same.

I feel like I am being mistreated like I am somebody's emotional punchbag.

I have a gut feeling that the remarks I am hearing from this same person is still for me, or secretly directed at me; although I am listening that it is directed to somebody other than me.

It is a sneaky way of doing thing, but no surprise coming from a capable sneaky person.

Yesterday was the first time ever that thing well went betwen us, for a job interview presentation. There is no recognition of the 'curse/her supersition/beief/bad bad bad evil assumption about me always messing up her mood on or prior @ the night before", but some thanks. I am not seeking thankss I am only wanting to hear it from her, that she wuld say, it is WRONG for her to always say that I will mess up her mood when she has something important to prepare for.

It breaks me to always hear that and I really am trying hard to do it like my life totally, literally runs on the outcome of whether or not I mess it up. It is so heartbreaking to hear that I have to admit, this is totally like walking on eggshells.

I never want to admit it, but I have to. And about writing a private, thats my preference, but right now, I am typing for relief, because I need to help myself feel better. Express all this unkempt emotions and tide of feelings.

I dont know about her. How she feels about being moody. And truth be told, a secret I find making me sick the more I refuse to let this out, it is ridiculous, yes - but her mood, her behaviour and her whatever drama that followed her seem like Zemogs, no I don't want to relate actual name's or what I assume to be what she was like when she was with Beebzadoole. Chaotic drama, erratic moodswings, and god knows how salty andd sarcatic she can be, in genral knowing some of these people who share a general defining characterstic of being born during a period of months that earn them the highs and lows of being a 'Crab', yeah I am finally talking the zodiac crap. But I believe in it. The core traits will always be found in these people. Ironic, erratic. Don't know how to stabilise their own mood. Love of the blame game. And always loves having the last word.

Wow I have so much to say, but I'll wwrap up here. I feel a hell lot better, after this splurge of writing and some big tears from both my eyes. And yeah I am generically speaking, having the same bday as the actor who plays Borat

Would be open to others' views and opinions