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Wanting to die is okay, it's okay to fall apart on the bathroom floor and not understand why you're here anymore, it's okay to dug your head in your pillow so deep that you just can't breathe cuz you're having another one of those days, it's okay if those days become everyday, it's okay...they'll tell you it's not but trust me it is. Sometimes I get this sunken feeling in my chest, it happens often, I drown in people's words, sometimes the words wrap around my neck so I just close my eyes and let them, sometimes my lungs fill with letters, unfinished sentences that make no sense, poems that nobody seems to understand, but when I close my eyes I do, I understand, the words are very sad, the words are very sick, they are twisted, but I like it. When I close my eyes, everything becomes so quiet, almost scary quiet but I don't mind the silence. When I close my eyes, my heartbeats slow down and one at a minute they sing me lullabies, not the kind you'd like because, again, the words are sad, and you don't like sad things but I do. I like sad things because I'm a sad thing, inside I don't feel sad, what I feel is beyond something that simple but overall, in the way I exist, I'm a sad thing to watch and I guess that's why you'll never like me. I'm sad enough to want to watch people die, I look with open eyes as they fall 50 stories down to the concrete, with cold blood I watch them slit their wrists and bleed out, and I'm sad enough to admire them. I admire death, I wish it would take me, but each try proves too soon and the wait is even sadder than all the sad things you hate. I wish I were the girl that hung herself last tuesday or the boy I watched overdose yesterday but it seems even death doesn't want me. So yes, the words are very twisted, they incite me to do wrong things but the words are here when you aren't, the words don't stare at me with red eyes when I speak my mind instead they listen, they understand. And yes, you hate the words and you'll never give them a chance but that doesn't matter because they only speak to me.
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