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I know it's mother instinct, safety, whatever you call to protect her children. My mother is very protective over us but sometimes a little too much of something is creating distant. Che claims that my dad is always spending time with his buddies, but if you take a look at it, my dad need some fun time with his men. he comes back home every single day for lunch right after lunch break, every single day he takes my younger sister and mom to school, once he drops my sis, he takes my mom for breakfast. my mom doesnt see that my dad is making every possible time he can for her. but i know that like us girls we love shopping, it is our stress release, and my dad, it's his buddies. they hang out, have beer or two, doing sports and all of that. then there's my bigger sis. my mom and her exchange words so little. my mom use to scold her for going out at lunch with friends. they had quite a fight, to the point where it caused trauma to the 14 years old me and my youngest sister (3 years old). yes i still remembered it today. my mom complaints that we never cared about her. everything she did is for family family family. i know she loves all of us. but i dont want to disappoint her, she always needs to know my whereabouts, too possesive of me and my friends whom i'm hanging out with. i mean i'm not dumb. i don't know what to do but to expressed it out. i fell trapped. she's my mom. but i also need my freedom. my privacy. i defied her a couples time and that time we didn't end up on good terms. she asked me to be my friend. i said yes. then A COUPLE OF SECOND LATER, she asked me to be my BESTFRIEND, i looked at her and i laughed. i shake my head, it's hysterical.
i remembered we were once inside the car driving to grandma house, we talked about what to get for grandma as a visit. then my dad called. i dont know what was going on in between them the night before. but my mom gave me the phone and told me to tell him that we're at home and all. yes she told me to LIE to my dad. i didn't. so after a few scolding for her, her last scolding was, " get out of the fucking car! i told you to tell him what i said why did you tell him we go to grandma house!". i was so lost at words. i wanted to cry and laughed at the same time. i texted my friends that i'm got stranded in the middle of the road. i was about to call a taxi so i can get a lift back home. then i saw my mom car driving towards me. and you know what she did?
she tossed me the house key, cuz she thought i didnt have them. and she droved away not before glaring at me.
my taxi arrived, he asked me where am i going. i paused at that moment. a devil in me says, let's fuck this and go to the pub or the mall. get yourself a drink and some ice cream. but i told him my house address.
i got there, and hide myself in my younger sister room. it sorta my comfort zone.
my mom came back after 4 hours and she came and apologize to me. i just nodded my head. and i hated myself. not giving in. not because she felt sorry. but because i like the felling i'm getting. i felt happy because i was enjoying this. i'm disgusted by myself.
anyway, she said she worried about you. and why do we always keep hurting her? keep on being inconsiderate?
i wanted to ask her back, " why do you think we keep on doing this?, you have your husband, your oldest child, now your second. wait till you see your third child."
i dont meant to be rebellious to her, but this is what i am. i want to travel. i want to go scuba diving, bungee jumping, but she denied and never supports me. my bigger sister wanted to study architect. every single day i remembered how my mom used to scold her for choosing a major designed for BOYS. well, congratulation, she succeeded. my sister changed her major and now my sister is the most rebellious of all time. but i'm happy for my sister, she got what she wanted to do now.
it's funny when my mom thinks my older sister is a bad influence for me. well, her mind might change, but what ticks me is that.... my mom said i'm just like my sister.
i looked at her, and tell her two sentence. " i'm me not her. don't compare."
thank you for reading this. my hearts feels better.
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