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Two years ago I was a junior in high school and I became so stressed about school and my future that I tried to kill myself a couple times. Pretty much every assignment looked to me like a Herculean task I would never be able to finish. My thoughts would run over and over "It has to be perfect so I get a good grade, but I'm stupid and I can't make it perfect, I can't do this, I can't do anything, I'm going to fail this essay, then the test, then the class, and I won't get into a good college, and if I don't get into a good college I won't have a good job, or a good life, I won't have enough money to retire" and again and again I would go through this. With a massive amount of support I got through the worst of it, and found a medication that helps.
Senior year I did better (the lighter workload helped) but essays were still a major source of stress. I needed a lot of help breaking them down and a lot of reminders from my special education teacher (who I had to help with organization of my life) that a two page essay was manageable, and one non "A" would be far from the end of the world.
I got into college, which is where I am now, and have been for a little over a month. I am still a perfectionist, but I know my limits better now. I just finished a four page essay I did entirely by myself. I did it without any deadline extensions or extra help. I'm even happy with it. I don't think I'm getting an A, but I did my best and I'm proud of myself.
It's a really new thing for me to be proud of myself. I've been clinically depressed almost my whole life, and I was never honestly happy with anything I've done.
But right now, I'm genuinely proud of myself, no strings attached.
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I'm proud of you of how you've progressed. Keep staying positive. Love yourself 💜
ReplyI’m so proud of you dude. This is great progress. Even though progress doesn’t need to be linear, remind yourself that progress is progress, and you’ve done it
ReplyAlthough comparing yourself to others you may think this isn’t a big step, but THIS. IS. HUGE. I struggle with the same thing and have been diagnosed with an Obsessive Conpulsive personality disorder, and I struggle with work too, I still can’t do it on my own (without constant feedback I feel like I’m doing everything wrong) SO THIS IS MASSIVE! I’m so very proud of you. ❤️
ReplyIt is amazing and inspiring to see the growth of others. I am beyond proud of you. You overcame it. There is no doubt that one day you will have another setback, but just remember this: you overcame it once and you can do it again. I am so happy for you. As a senior in high school, I can relate. Junior year was by far the worst year. I was always a perfectionist, always making sure I maintain good grades. Anything less than an A was not good enough for me. But when junior year came, I let myself go. My grades fell, and we all know how tough the grading system is in America. I barely managed to pass my classes, surviving most with a low D. It was not the best grade, but it passed me. Senior year is here, and I know I am getting better. You've helped inspired me, thank you. I believe in you, and I now believe in myself.
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