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i just want to die. No one loves me, everyone hates me. I just want to slit my wrists and put a bullet to my head, a rope around my neck, my body in front of a moving car. I just want to die! I have been in this battle for 7 years now, I was such a depressed 7 year old! A 7 year old who is suicidal! here I am almost 15! nothing changed! my therapist doesn't help. I try everything they say, I done tried to commit suicide 13 times now! I just won't die! It is all my fathers fault. Was I not good enough for you? Is that why you refused to feed me? And beat my mother in front of me? I told you i was suicidal, you said NOTHING! Why? Why am I not good enough for you? Will I ever be good enough for you? Will you ever love me? Will you ever just call to check on me? You say you love me but that is such a lie. I don't even love me. death.
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You know things may not feel like they get better, but they do. You can have all the tools to help yourself,but it seems like you are still struggling. You need to figure out what makes you happy and your dad there isn’t much you can do. I can assure you that you are good enough. I’m sure you are a good person and sometimes things hurt us more than they should.
Replyi agree with the previous comment. you cant do anything to change your dad but what you can do is to find what makes you happy in life ( the positive things not the negative ones like slitting your wrist alot have said that it makes them happy but its just in the mind and its short live). little things matter. start a hobby where you can be happy and occupy your time. you might find new people sharing the same interest and be able to bond with them. among the billion people in this world there is bound to be one, two or more people that will care and cares about you. you just need to surround yourself with the right people, the right crowd.meet new people experience new things. fill your life with positive things counter the negative ones. dont listen to others opinions specially if they only bring nothing but negative things. listen to opinions that is a right opinion (an opinion who was given by any person that only wants good things for you and dont listen to those that just say empty opinions to just make you ONLY FEEL good or make them feel good about themselves). you have reached his far in life just like other people and even me. i think of myself as a survivor. i have reached the age of 24 just recently and been battling depression,suicidal tendency and insecurity ( other people, appearance even in life i always think im nothing but a failure) even today im still fighting depression specially now im working.so yeah my point is dont give up. dont let them win. you are the driver of your life. you stir the wheel in which direction you want to go. not anyone not them not even your father. your still young there is much more in life out there for you. show them what your made of. that your strong and show them that beyond their hate and bad opinions you have survived and became successful. dont let them drag and pin you down. fight for your right to deserve a good and happy life. you deserve it and cause your worth it.
-eda
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