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I have been having doubts and regrets about getting married young.
I am 21, and have been married for 3 months now, but we have been together for almost 4 years. We met when we were still in highschool (I was his first kiss and everything, but I had had previous relationships). My husband joined the military almost a year and a half ago, and we have been apart for majority of this time. He is going away soon on a 9 month deployment where we can't communicate.
When he's home I enjoy his company, but I know that it's only temporary..
when he's away, I feel this strong feelings of regret and fear. I regret getting married this young, stopping myself from being able to experience life fully as a young adult. I'm afraid that we will grow apart. I know I'm not completely happy with him, but I've already said I do..
I don't know why I keep making these choices, before I think of the long term effects it will have on me..
I feel trapped.
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your own happiness is the most important thing in your life... if you're not fully happy, and you think finding yourself more before settling down will be beneficial... do it. If he truly loves you, he'll understand. Or maybe some kind of open relationship only while he's gone so you have emotional support while he's away
ReplyI try to tell him how I feel, and joke about an open relationship.. but he isn't helpful.. he can't understand how I'm feeling because we're so different. He's still so young as well, he has experienced much less than me. I know he will feel this way later on as well. I just don't want it to be too late for me.
ReplyMaybe you should let him know that his deployments are breaking you. If he knew that, maybe he would change careers, so that he doesn't lose you? Then he'd be home with you, and not leaving on deployments here and there. Let him know how you feel, maybe give him a chance to fix things? Let him know that this is serious. Also, talk with your parents, and trusted friends or family. Get an outside perspective from those who know you well. Think this through, and don't move too quickly. This is a big life choice, not to be taken lightly. If none of this fixes anything, then, yes, move on. You only live once, don't spend your one life unhappy or broken. I hope all goes well <3
ReplyYou knew what you were walking into when you decided to marry him. But the unfortunate part is that its one thing to know, and one thing to actually go through it. Perhaps you need to talk to him about how you're currently feeling. You need to make the best choice for you. Good luck.
ReplyWhatever you do, don't cheat on him behind his back. That will only make you feel worse.
Maybe you need to tell him that you want to separate, since you won't be able to talk for nine months anyway. When he returns, you can reconnect and see if you still want to be married. If not, then you can divorce.
ReplyEvolving into who you want to be, what you stand for, how you want to live does not happen until your closer to your 30's. In your 20's your getting a taste of the world and freedom for the first time. Having experiences, traveling, meeting new walks of life. Discovering who you really are. You are having doubts about your decision to settle down so soon? Its totally normal. I had my first born when I was your age. It was a surprise pregnancy. I love my children and family more then life itself.
Being honest with you.....i wish i would have waited to start my family until my early 30's. Pushing 40, i now carry a long list of regrets. Not traveling, not experiencing college...and the list goes on. My freedom is gone and Its to late for me.
You have an important decision to make. Its your life, and we only get one shot at it. You are young, and free. You say you are not entirely happy? Ask yourself this question. What is it that is missing for you? Whatever it may be...can you live without it? Make a list of your dreams and goals. Can you achieve them in your current situation? Do you feel like your sacrificing things you do not want to sacrifice? Marriage is about sacrifice.
I have been in my wonderful relationship with the love of my life for 12 years happily UNmarried. We share a life, children , everything.
You are very young and have the entire world at your feet. Choose wisely.
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