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In the back of my mind, I'm still conflicted and bothered that others know something being done to me without my acknowledgement. Somehow they may have been made aware, just not willing enough to confront me about it and tell me the truth directly. I wonder if they're scared or uncomfortable? If it's serious and I could be in some type of horrible or worst situation,but if that's the case shouldn't something be said immediately? I want to know what's going on because I have come up with the worst case scenarios that could possibly go wrong. How my life may be in big trouble due to something else outside of myself causing this. I don't know what it is and what to do about unless I find out the main problem. There's something wrong and I feel it had went right under my nose. I'm still doubtful that nothing is wrong, I'm overthinking it but I'm heavily skeptical that everything is okay and I have nothing to worry about accept my own issues and circumstances that I face at home. This regards to financial situation, personal matters within myself and things I need to work on. I want to believe beyond that, there's nothing severely going on which can negatively impact my future apart from myself. It's odd, deep down I feel used,exposed and unsafe with my surroundings for reasons based on certain circumstances. I was seeing how certain things have made no sense and had come across as strange. There's too many events to explain it because there were many things that was making me feel scared. When I was in school, out in public,home and when I went away. I have went crazy trying to look for answers and yet nothing solid enough has come to me. I have been debating if I'm the one going fucking crazy because it makes me look paranoid. If I knew the problem at hand then I would deal with it appropriately. If someone could help me finish the puzzle on what's going on around me, why I feel targeted by others from before and now. Maybe, I could stop it from possibly destroying me and my life being ruined by it. I could have a better sense of clarity on the matter but I feel like no one is there to stick up for me,stand beside me and be real honest with me. I remember someone wanted to tell me something. It was a complete stranger in his car who I don't know at all, and yes I know "stranger danger" red flag that someone in a car at night trying to say something to you. I couldn't manage to hear everything he wanted to say as I was further away but he was staring directly at me and our eyes met. He said something from his mouth but could barely make out what he was trying to say. I felt it was urgent for some reason, like he did want me to know something and this has happened as I was walking my dog out during the night. This has happened once but although it was months ago... I still remember things like it all happened yesterday. It has been making such a huge impact on me, these many incidences which have occurred with people that are strangers to me. I thought, maybe this guy was a creep or something but it came across differently. He came across like he was rushing to say something as he passed by with his car. There was another time where again I was walking late at night with my dog and suddenly this car was coming in on the street and parked beside the side walk that I was on. It was creepy because no one was around. I noticed in the dark that this man was sitting in his car staring directly at me, not saying a word. He didn't go out of the car and wasn't waiting for anyone was in the middle of the night. Nobody is around and then after staring at me like no tomorrow, he did a U-turn and drove right off. If you think that isn't strange enough, there's more like this that has been happening to me, because it was happening to often to be coincidences. It was consistent enough to make me feel something is wrong. I felt, I was being treated like a alien or tested. I'm not the type to like the spot light and It makes me so freaking anxious. Things have started to become stranger and stranger. I was starting to believe I was being watched and had video cameras within the house. I freaked out and I was putting papers to cover up my mirrors and and checking for holes. Things that may seem out of place. I felt that someone was spying on me and before i could realize it. I think it was too late. I'm still nervous that someone is watching me.
I can't manage to let any of these events go because my gut keeps telling me something is wrong.
I don't know anymore what to do... I feel lost,confused and paranoid. I have so much shit on my plate and I'm struggling. So if there's something else going on, its making things even more difficult in my life then it has already been. I don't know anymore. Do i attract all kinds of people and things unintentionally, including the bad,strange and toxic?
Do I go see a damn psychologist because I might be a really sick person or, is this more criminal related and It went right under my nose? Did I fuck up somewhere to let this happen or has trouble managed to just target me? I never asked for this and I don't believe there's a reason for it to happen.
Anyways, it's a shit show and I don't have a fucking clue what's really going on. My life is being affected by this, in the meantime I have other serious situations to be concerned about. Really hoping matters haven't gotten worst...
I wish I had the freakin answers already dammit!
J.L Aka _-P
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