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I feel numb. I want to feel. I feel like my skin is a cage. I scratch at this cage that surrounds me. This feeling is what keeps me grounded. I feel warm. Way too warm. Unbearable. The light stings distract me. The sharp nails digging into my skin stabilizes me. I am untrustworthy. I haven't had people to rely on. How would I know how to be relied on? Someone asked me to kill them. An important person. I was 6. They were taken away. I was a burden. They came back. Things aren't the same. Things will never be the same. I miss them. all of them. especially her. I care for her so much. How do I show that? I have no clue. I cant send messages. I cant contact. What if I annoy her? What if my nervousness around her makes her think i don't like her? How do you show emotions properly? Why must I be numb? Why must I be messed up? Why must i have internal conflicts? Why must I be an idiot? Why must I wish to die? Why do people think I'm just joking? Why can I so easily switch into this mask? Why can't everything be silent? I've longed for silence for so long. There's always noise. There's always unbearable heat. Why must I be numb? Why aren't I completely numb?
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