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My family is abusive but I don’t want to call social services
5 years ago · 7 · just stressed, +8
1026
I’m 13, female. My family is emotionally abusive but I don’t want to call social services because if I move to a different house, I might go to a different school (which I don’t want to leave the one I’m in) and I wouldn’t be able to take my 4 pets with me. The pets are mine, they are my responsibility. We have a fifth pet but it’s not specifically mine.
They have only been emotionally abusive to me for the last year. I have pushed my mother away completely and I am now pushing my father and bronzer away too. It’s easy for me to say I don’t love them. I don’t want to be near them. I don’t care for them.
I want to call social services but leaving my pets and school would be too much. I’ve lost enough.
No one at school knows my family is abusive except for my friend. I tell him everything.
I can’t wait until I’m 18 and I can finally leave this hell of a “family”. Social services wouldn’t see anything. My parents don’t seem to be a problem but when no one is around, they can be quite bad people. I mentioned I have a brother. I believe he has a disorder but my parents don’t care how much evidence I give them, they won’t take him to get evaluated. I’ve literally given them a procedure to doing this. I have done the hard part. All they have to do is make a call, and then bring him in. Yes, they have to pay but that wouldn’t be a problem.
And he’s not being abused. And I’m not about to list the ways they are abusive but I promise you, I’ve known there wa something wrong with my family since I was 10 years old. I just didn’t know it would get this bad.
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You should do whatever you have to to protect yourself .
They will make sure your animals are ok...even if they are not with you.
ReplyI would also never be able to see them again. And they would just get rid of them. The only reason they haven’t already thrown my pets out is because I’m taking care of them. As long as they don’t become a priority for them, they won’t take them away. I don’t want to lose even more things in my life and I keep my pets close. Closer than my “family” has ever been. I used to love them but I am fine with saying I don’t love them. I actually really hate them with a passion. Taking my pets away is probably one of the worst decisions that could be made right now. I appreciate what you said though, thank you.
ReplyDon't let anyone threatening anything control you...do what you need to do!
ReplyGo to those you trust...there are more out there than you think! People try to control with fear....I can assure you..they have way more to lose than you!
Just today... Someone on the news was arrested for web camming in places and of people they should not be!
If they don't think they can be caught or there aren't more people watching than what you think?....think again!
ReplyPerhaps you might call your child protective services and inquire about some hypothetical possibilities. Having worked in this area with many high risk, homeless, and other disenfranchised and abused youth, it's not the normal process anymore in most communities to yank young people away from the love, services, and stability of school, community, friends, and family they know.
Often in circumstances as you share the first thing is to ensure you are in a safe, responsible, be respecful environment. If not, placements are designed to put you in the least restrictive outcome available; that is, the effort and energy will go to providing you the placement that is least disruptive and positive to your health and welfare. That means the social services will not yank a child away from your school, your friends, your entire family and community. Often people get the misplaced idea parents or caregivers are going to get hauled away in handcuffs; in extreme cases, yes, but the programs today are more about helping, healing, and rebuilding families and individuals than just punishment. It's about keeping families and positive social units together. It's giving you the freedom to have your peacefulness and happiness.
You might want to call your social services department to find out how they handle children in need of services. I know in my county the goal will be to help your parents to improve and to assist them. It's not about blame and punishment like in the old days, but nowadays providing safety, service, and security for you and everyone in your family's welfare and best interests. Only an outdated agency would pull you from your school, seize your pets, and disrupt your life more; instead, their goal would normally be to provide you more care, comfort, and control so you can thrive in your present placement. Naturally if there is extreme abuse, drugs, abandonment, severe mental illness, extreme cruelty, criminal behavior and the like occurring no case worker is going to just walk away leaving you in danger. Often parents get classes and help. It's not like anyone is even going to say you tattled or ratted your parents out, just say there was a suspicion that needs to be checked. It happens millions of times a year.
Hopefully the issues causing your discomfort can get put into a plan and addressed in a way so you, your family, and everyone involved obtains the needed help and services. It's more today about working together and supporting everyone. No family is perfect, and if every issue was resolved by breaking apart homes and families it would put entire communities in awfully difficult binds. Social workers typically strive dilligently to keep life stable and intact whenever possible; that said, you might be surprised how it could work in a worst case scenario. You would be expected to still attend your school, attend your local religious center if you attend, provide you with your continued after-school hobbies, sports, and interests, keep you with your brothers, sisters, and other family members if possible, and often pay friends, relatives, or someone you already know to be your temporary guardian until you can return home. Reunification is the big word today--but only when its appropriate. The days of Oliver Twist living in a reformatory with mobs of kids yearning for more porridge is thankfully today mostly myth and legend.
Don't feel afraid to just ask a teacher, a school counselor, or another person you trust to discuss what is going on in your home. Many areas have teen and other help lines, and even rape and domestic violence centers field your types of calls and questions all the time. It's anonymous, free, often 24-hour and can be of assistance too.
No person deserves to live in fear or worry, including you. There are usually tools and resources to assist individuals and families in need; it's usually just finding the appropriate help required that becomes the challenge sometimes.
Again, don't feel afraid to ask for help when help is needed. Your love can be demonstrated by having professionals who deal with your situation every day come help your parents. Sometimes parents and families aren't perfect. We all need coaching and help sometimes.
Also, don't ever think you can even get pinpointed by your parents as having raised the concern; often it's local mandated reporters such as a teacher, doctor, police officer, caregiver, or someone entrusted with your protection already who might just have suggested a welfare check.
All-in-all your anonymous or personal call can do wonders for your betterment, and for your family. I hope you find the comfort to know it's okay to get your parents the assistance they need to always love and care for you. You deserve a real family too!
ReplyWhen things got bad with me, I moved in with my grandparents. Maybe there's family you could talk to and possibly move in with. My grandparents let me still have my cat. I wish you luck. Here's to being 18 in a couple years.
ReplyLol thank you for commenting, this comment actually kind of made me happy. And sadly I don’t have family who can take care of me (they have a lot of financial issues so I’d only be a big problem)
Reply