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Before you read this, keep in mind that i write it like i'm talking to a friend and it's in my nature to comic some stuff and situations in my life. This is one of those stuff and situations. If you read the whole thing, i'll be surprised and and very thankfull.
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I started driving lessons to finaly get my drivers license at age 27 because i was financially short the previous years. Better late than never, right?
I was always amazed by cars and how they work. How one person can use it and takes you wherever you want in (almost) no time. How they race, transport or even use stunds.
In all my years of observing others and watching movies i learned one basic thing.
i always respect the machine.Whether it's a bus, a car or ever a motorcycle.
That's the idea in my head. But in act it's different for me. I have SO.MUCH.STUFF in my fucking mind when i'm behind the wheel, that my motherload is crashing and i freeze. I have this fucking amazing teacher with TONS of patience and he always know what to say and when.
Let's talk about my first lesson.
-"Okay" i said to myself as me and my teacher got inside the car.
We made all the necessary details (belt, position, mirrors ect.) and when i turned on the engine, i, myself, turned off. i couldn't believe it, i fucking froze. While he was talking, all i could hear was a mumble in my right ear and all i was thinking was 'what if i kill someone? Do children run in this area? is that bike gonna pass me? IS THAT TAXI DRIVER HONKING AT ME? WHAT IF IT RAINS? WILL I BE ABLE TO DRIVE WHILE THOSE FUCKING WINDSHIELD WIPERS GO LEFT AND RIGHT DISTRACTING ME?' until he honked on the wheel and i woke up.-"What's the matter?" my awesome fucking teacher asked me calmly and all i did, the briliant fucking me, the jolly person that i am, was starting to get tears in my eyes. He turned off the engine and sat back quietly. My heart rate was at the roofs and we didn't.even.fucking.move.yet. I took a deep breath and i said i was sorry.
-"There's no reason to be sorry, it's your first lesson" he said to me. -"Lot's of people get nervous on their first lesson. You are not a God to know exactly what to do and when, that's why i'm here." I chuckled a bit and i wipped my left eye. I took a deep breath and loosened up. -"Ok, ok. I can do this. I know i can. I just need you to be patient and i swear i'm gonna make it." i said to him and he nodded with a smile.
On my first lesson i only used the wheel and the turn signals. It was fine. i did it with a few mistakes but i got used to it. I came home, happy because i finaly took a car and drove (partially) in the city. I was on the perspective of all those drivers here and there and in the world. I said to my mother how it went but i didn't mention the whole "drama in my head" situation. I slept wonderful that night.
Now fast forward, today, after the holidays, i came back for a second lesson and this time i also handled the petals and the gearbox. .....or is it called shift stick?..... hhmm....
SO ANYWAAAY, we went on a quiet area of the city and he was tutoring me when to change the shifts, when to press the gas petal and when to stop with the brakes.
Piece of cake right? Hahaha....ha....hA...... WRONG!
Now i have a question for experienced drivers here, if anyone still keeps reading, You know that feeling when you have a piece of candy and it stucks in your throat, so you cough and tear up a bit while you try to take a breath? Have you ever had that feeling when you first drived? were you (pardon my language) scared shitless ever in your life considering driving? Because in my mind, i see you as Gods. Seriouly guys, the way, you shift gears, stop and move with such elegance get's me hypnotised. I have such admiration for you. Now i know what you're gonna say.
-"Is this chick for real?"
-"Seriously bruh?"
-"It's not that big of a deal"
Yes. Fuck yes for me it is. Because today, i came back crying silently behind my sunglasses because my fucking brain doesn't agree with my legs and the car was going like i was dancing YMC FUCKING A in it. Gas. then shift stick and shift petal, then brake. then check mirrors, then stopping for the lady with the puppy. Watch out, there's a school bus coming. Gas, brake, gas, brake.
All that time i didn't even glimpsed at my teacher. He was speaking to me and telling me to take it easy. And i WAS trying so. fucking.hard. to take it easy.
At the end we got out. These are the exact words he said to me.
-" I see you are quick at my calls of what to do, and you got it. The whole thing you got it. BUT stop it. Stop thinking so many things at the same time. Just listen to my voice and don't give a care about your surroundings. I'm here to help you with that. You've got pontential and i see it. Stop.thinking.so.much."
I nodded and i apologised, as i was walking away like a stray dog that was walking in the rain.
It's funny in a way, because it's something everyone does and everyone can do and yet....it's so complecated in my mind...
So this is me, sharing my story of my first time driving and shiting my pants.
Because i needed to say it to someone and again, if you read the whole thing.
I deeply thank you.
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Hey, there! I'm not an experienced driver. In fact, I just passed my driving test. But I still wanted to say something, to encourage you in a way.
I started taking driving lessons in July. We got in the car, I told my instructor I haven't driven at all before. I put my belt, turned the engine on and he said "Drive." . Like, on the road. With the other cars. OMG. I can't explain the fear I felt in that moment. I slowly started driving, we were out of town. Just the cars passing me gave me anxiety. He started explaining how things work, the clutch, the gas, etc. I just couldn't listen, I couldn't understand anything at all. I was scared af. We practiced pulling off, driving on again. I got used to it. And after 2-3 hours of driving, we went to the city. When I saw all the traffic lights, the roundabouts.. I just didn't know what to do. But we practiced and practiced.. My instructor, tho, was not patient at all. He was yelling all the time. I was scared of him. Then, later on, the fear grew. I was scared of the car. Of everything. I passed my theoretical exam in the middle of my lessons. I was so happy. I felt like I could do it after all. I was wrong. It was not easy.
So fast forward to my first driving test. I didn't feel ready. But the lessons were over so I had no choice. Well, I failed. I drove around.. 2 minutes? I couldn't do a left turn. I was supposed to wait for the green light and then wait all the cars from the opposite road who were coming. Then I was supposed to turn. Simple, but I couldn't do it. I froze and waited.. waited.. When the examiner told me I should start driving already. I started and did that wrong, too. So, I failed. I was so disappointed. I took 2 additional lessons. I failed my second test, too, after 2 minutes. I was so frustrated, cause I couldn't even drive more than 5 minutes. 2 more lessons, third test. Failed again, but this time I managed to drive around 15 minutes. Fourth test, failed. I almost passed, I drove 23 of 25 minutes. But in fact, I was happy that I was making a progress. I was sure I was gonna pass the next one. My instructor, on the other hand, still yelled at me. He was getting worse At this point I was terrified of everything connected to driving. So, fifth test. I got in the car. I was so terrified. My body was shaking. I couldn't understand what the examinar was telling me. I was looking in the mirror for approval from my instructor. And.. I failed after a minute. My instructor insulted me, yelled even more. I got home and just broke down. It was so hard. I couldn't understand why I wasn't making any progress. Everyone I knew passed this test, I couldn't. I felt like I was moving backwards rather than forwards. It was a tough period for me. I gave up, I just couldn't do it. All the pedestrians, the cars, the signs. It was impossible for me to see all of that. So I took a brake around New Year.
After that I had to go back. I invested way too much to give up. My parents contacted a new instructor. People seemed to like him, telling us he is calm and very good at his job. To me it didn't matter. I was certain I just couldn't drive. It was not for me.
So I started taking lessons again. I was so surprised by the progress I was making. I was so much more calm, I started enjoying driving. The instructor didn't yell, he explained everything so good. I felt like I actually understand what I'm doing. I started noticing all the pedestrians, all the signs. So it was time for a new test. I was scared. But I decided to give all of me and see where it goes. The examiner got in the car, I started driving. And I was calm, and I actually knew what I was doing.And I passed. I was soooooo happy. After all, my hard work paid off. I was feeling more confident.
I want to tell you that it gets better. Maybe after a month, or two. It's different for everyone. I know people who passed easily after the first attempt. It took me six. But you will get better, take your time. It's not as hard as you think. If I can do it, so can you. Just don't give up!
ReplyWow, somebody actually read my story! Thank you so much, I appreciate it a lot. I read yours and i feel you honestly. I'm so nervous behind the wheel but i'm trying my best to get over it. Your story helped me a lot because i unterstand i'm not alone in this. I have to give it time, i know, i'm just frustrated that i am this way. I truly love cars but also terrified by them. I'm gonna take it easy and slowly reach my top to be a great, safe driver and get over this.
Thank you again for this, i hope you're well.
ReplyI hope you pass soon, if you haven't already! 🙂
ReplyThank you Fify! I don't know yet, because the examiners are on a strike at the moment, but i appreciate your kind words! <3
Reply