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I didn't get any homework done and I didn't make any progress on college applications. I just wasted time. But the worst part is that after I stayed up late not doing work, I stayed up for two more hours picking. The backs of my upper arms are red and swollen, densely speckled with burning wounds where little bumps used to be. My legs burn as well in all the areas I've scraped away little bumps. It doesn't help that I haven't shaved in a while. Eventually, I took off my shirt and pants to get at my arms and legs and thighs and ended up almost naked at 1:31AM, sitting on the toilet, thinking about how much I'll have to do tomorrow and picking. Now I'm really tired. If I wasn't so tired I would be super anxious and hating myself really hard right now. I'm still anxious and self-hating, but I'm distracted and not quite allowing it to register. Tonight was pretty bad for picking. It actually hurts. I hate this and I want to find some way to stop it. I want to see if it's really dermatillomania or just a lack of self-control. I just want to know. I'm so tired.
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