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i can feel myself slipping away, beginning to lose my already tenuous grasp on life. it seems that i have devolved into quite a wretched being, alternating between fits of self-pity and anger, overwhelming misery, deep sadness, and an overall numbness, an acceptance of the fact that i have truly reached my lowest point and that i see no future wherein i am happy. im failing myself and the few friends i have left; i am simply not making any effort when it comes to living, i have become a shell of a human. the last few months of my life, before this cloud of gloom settled over me were truly an amazing adventure, and im tired of fighting to be happy, when clearly no one wants me in their life. im only 19, yet i have already grown so weary of this world we live in and that scares me, i mean, i know i have barely begun to experience the truly low depths that life will put in my way; how am i meant to face such enormous struggles when i am barely staying afloat now
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Hi,
As I read this my heart shook for you, I am also 19 year old, and I absolutely understand where your coming from. I look at myself and where I’m at and wonder how I’m suppose to find happiness in a world that I fail everyday. But, (as there always should be a but...) you have to hold on as tight as you can, if not for your family and friends, or even yourself, then do it for a potential future you could be missing. Burdens get heavy, and it’s incredibly difficult to carry on sometimes, but know that your friends will support and listen. Reach out to them, or a hotline or therapist, if you haven’t already before and just try to talk about what your feeling. You can even to a stranger (hello!), you’d be surprised with what people can relate with you on and you might even find a little glimpse of hope to fight on to find your future. Because if you reach out for help, it’s there I promise.
ReplyAh, I know this feeling. Telling you it'll pass doesn't help.. or tough it out, or all the other advice. I suggest just be a stubborn, ornery cuss and simply refuse to be beaten. You see in life you can't lose unless you give up. If you don't you will win.. and lose later.. and win again until you finally expire at 97 with a smile on your face.
So here is a story I told my wive when the 4 year old daughter was sobbing unckntrollable at the heat register. Her toy had fallen in, the favorite.. rivers if toddler tears. My wife scolded her for over reacting. I comforted the wee thing and told momma it was in prefect proportion. This tiny thing was having the very worst day of her life. Her favorite possession had fallen to where she thought she could never get it back and she would never see it again. She might have never lost anything that valued before and known in her heart she would never see it again and it was all her fault. So if a four-year-olds worst day in her life can be a toy down a heat vent a 19 year old can have the worst year of their life. However 20 years from now you might laugh at it mostly because you can expect to have ones that are far worse.
You see it's all about perspective. The longer you live that breadth of experience mitigates both the highs and the lows. One thing you may miss is that first love is so intense you almost never catch it again but when you do hang on for the rest of your life you don't get the chance very often.
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