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when I find myself at my lowest, debt-ridden, stress has thickened, and the worse has come to it's worst. I try to remember of what I thought was too much, at first, my multiplication tables were too much, at first, finding a date to prom was too much, but now I wonder if it is really too much. I stand in hallways full of emotions lost in masqueraded faces, happiness and glee in their eyes long gone, the spark had faded. when I see these two words I cannot help but wonder, is this too much, is it not enough for my weak shoulder to muster. Pay for this, finalize that, don't waste time on this, but how could you forget that? Brush your teeth 2 times a day, and floss in case of plaque. all these things pile up but I can't find the one I lack. I can't find the purpose, the motive, the motif. The thing that keeps me from riding my bike into a 6 lane highway or busy street. Some call it love, others call it financial security, I can't seem to find the recipe and it has started to get the better of me. I hide behind this keyboard and hang up my costume of this collegiate masquerade, praying that I'm not the only one this lost and confused in this grief-stricken place. "The best years of your life" a many like to say. But not with 3 jobs, a head full of doubts and a list of bills your mom has to pay. And I feel like an idiot hiding behind these 26 letters, but they are the only ones that have not done me wrong. Masters of treachery and versatility, they are what give me enough strength to finish the day. I wish I could go public, tell the whole world my secret is out ***** is depressed, everyone scream, everyone shout. But I will forever remain within these 26 letters dancing in my masquerade of doubt
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