he left, so for now.

he left...he took everything with him but the actual things he owns like clothes, shoes, sweaters. he took me with him and I don't mean the physical body I mean my heart...he ripped it out and shoved it in his pocket, opened and closed the door behind himself. he left himself here though not his physical body ,but his belongings, memories, heartache and sense of everything he touched or looked at he once stared at or touched and idk what imma do but before long these adderall are going to wear off and the pains going to set in that maybe this time he's not coming back...this time he's going to leave everything with me to clean up. but for now those clothes will remain on the floor and his shoes will still be in the laundry room and this bitches heart will still hurt and he"ll still not give a single fuck. for now those memories will be burned in my brain and his smiling face will be burned onto the back of my eyelids and for now I'll keep all 60 images of him on my phone and for now I'll just wait...I'll just wait to see if you miss me enough to tell me you do and that you wanna come home and fix this. for now I'll have to sleep, eat, shower and live daily life alone...which will take some great time getting use too but I know my strength and my worth and I'll pull myself out of this already deep quick sand...maybe I should've told you not to leave but what can I do for someone who says they don't love me as much as I love him....for now I'll have to love you from a distance and I'll have to single myself out from myself if that makes any sense...maybe I'll drown it out with drugs, alcohol or sleep...or maybe I should feel this out and totally get to my highest power as the women im striving so hard to be...even if thats what I wanted to be for you...so for now I'll stare at these lifeless clothes that once held your "full of life" soul and I'll walk by those pairs of shoes everyday that you walked everywhere in till im ready to rid you from me. so for now ill have to live with the fact that maybe you're not coming back and you meant everything you've ever said other then "I love you" and I'll have to eat, sleep, and bathe alone, maybe I'll stop eating. maybe I'll stop sleeping. maybe I'll take longer showers and sing/scream till im choking. so for now I'll be alright...at least for now

update on my health soon...